I decided to call my post: FrienJectUry.
It has always been something that God has challenged me with. My heart is beating for friendship...looking for a good frienship and I am always challenged by God to be a better friend.
There are times I let God break me and my pride and then I see how far away I am from the friend I want to be to others. The issue of friendship is an area to grow continuously for me. It is an area where I can experience a lot of pain as I grow...
Because of insecurity and times of rejection my journey in the area of frienship has been a rocky one.It frustrates me when I see my insecurities. I want to be strong all the time. I know that that is not the reality and I am learning again and again, afresh and afresh how to be vulnerable and how to see myself in a weaker stage.
Feeling insecure is painful if I let myself feel it. I then see my shortcomings and am unable to receive God's grace for me. That in itself is frustrating. In this state, I start to compare myself with others and get easily jealous. That in turn hurts even more. Consequently, all this functions as an obstacle in my relationship with the Lord and in the race that God has me in...in my ministry.
Rejection is a powerful thing. I experienced times of rejection in friendships in my past. The wound of rejection can be such a deep one. It can start the process of feeling insecure. And this is how the circle closes:
Friendship- Rejection-Insecurity-Frienschip
FrienJectUry
"Dear Jesus, please help me and have mercy on me. I need your Grace, I need to receive your Grace. Lord, would you heal and then fill my wounds, would you help me not to feel insecure in any way? I don't have any reason to do so. Help me to live by your truth, YOUR reality and let me be a good friend to others, a friend that gives without agenda.
your Friend Kerstin"
-to be continued-
