ShiningLight: Struggle in me

BEYOND MEASURE

"OUR DEEPEST IS NOT THAT WE ARE INADEQUATE.
OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE. IT IS OUR LIGHT, NOT OUR DARKNESS, THAT MOST FRIGHTENS US.
WE ASK OURSELVES: WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED, FABULOUS? ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE?
YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOES NOT SERVE THE WORLD.
THERE IS NOTHING ENLIGHTENED ABOUT SHRINKING SO THAT OTHER PEOPLE WON'T FEEL INSECURE AROUND YOU. WE ARE ALL MEANT TO SHINE, AS CHILDREN DO.
WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY OF GOD IN US. IT'S NOT JUST SOME OF US. IT'S IN EVERYONE.
AND AS WE LET OUR LIGHT SHINE, WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME. AS WE ARE LIBERATED FROM OUR OWN FEAR, OUR PRESENCE AUTOMATICALLY LIBERATES OTHERS"

(Marianne Williamson - and quoted by Nelson Mandela 1994 at his inauguration!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Struggle in me

Spring and a part of summer is here and I really really like it. It is the time to have walks on the beach. I had one of Sunday late afternoon and I loved it so much. The place where I can instantly enter into worship to the Creator God. I can instantly enter into a one on one time with Jesus. I am privileged to live in a place of uttermost beauty.

All that said, I do struggle quite a bit this time around...this season. I know how to get out of it. So it is not a struggle where I don't udnerstand God or HIS work in me. I do know.

I have not been able to have times with Jesus while reading in HIS word for a while. No regurlarity anymore and I can feel the difference in my life. I know how to get out of it and believe me, I don't write this to give myself a "religious punch". It is out of the yearning of my heart that I want to read more in God's word, not because I have to, not because it looks better if I did, not out of any of that.

Interesting enough...every time when I have had an extensive time in HIS word, HE refreshed me and HE let my soul exhale and rejoice.
I am in need of self-discipline to make it a regular time again to read in HIS word...to read continuously in HIS word.

SO this is the struggle I have. It is with myself, with my inner self.
I battle the Kerstin that wants to sleep those 40 min longer in the morning instead of getting up.
I battle the Kerstin, that is quiet happy to zap around the 4 different tv programs she has instead of spending time with Jesus.
I battle with the Kerstin that senses God's calling her and then forgets it a moment later.
I battle but I know that HE knows
I battle but HE is doing something in my heart.