These mornings, I have problems to concentrate, I feel weak and have weird stomach problems again. It reminds me of the summer of 2009 when I was in the States and Germany. I was knocked out by that pain and my German doctor suspected
helicobacter pylori. She sent me to swallow the scope which I was not able to do. Hence, I never found out (grrr). I just want this thing that causes such discomfort to leave.
Apart from all that, I find myself in a spiral of fear. That shows me that I don't really trust my God.
I am reading Psalm 84 and Psalm 139 this morning.
Psalm 84:1-2
1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
2 I long, yes, I faint with longing
to enter the courts of the Lord.
With my whole being, body and soul,
I will shout joyfully to the living God.
My longing is big and just like the Psalmist says: whole being, body and soul. Yet, it is hard for me to concentrate which makes my quiet times sort of "quiet" and short. I know that He is my refuge, my light and protector as it says further in verse 11. Still I find it hard to trust God and give Him all my fears.
One fear adds up to the next and then I read verse 12 and I stop:
12 O Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
what joy for those who trust in you.
"Yes, I want to be happy and trust Lord, help me to trust, help me to trust today, I put my worries into your hands, please show me your favor and grant me your peace, Lord!"
The verses 6-7 always encourage and comfort me. Yes, this is my God, the one who transforms the valley of weeping into refreshing springs where pools of blessing await me!
6 When they walk through the Valley of Weeping,[a]
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
7 They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.[b]
I am thankful that my God chose me, that He knows me and that He even knows what is on my heart this very minute. Reading Psalm 139 strengthens my heart this morning again.
"Thank you my Lord and Maker that you know me, you know my every thought. You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest (verse 3), you place your hand of blessing on my head (verse 5), your hand will guide me and your strength will support me (10), thank you Lord, I love you. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! You live in me and I praise you with all I have today...with the tiny little bit of trust and faith I have. Thank you for your faithfulness!
Your sunshine K"
These mornings, I have problems to concentrate, I feel weak and have weird stomach problems again. It reminds me of the summer of 2009 when I was in the States and Germany. I was knocked out by that pain and my German doctor suspected helicobacter pylori. She sent me to swallow the scope which I was not able to do. Hence, I never found out (grrr). I just want this thing that causes such discomfort to leave.
Apart from all that, I find myself in a spiral of fear. That shows me that I don't really trust my God.
I am reading Psalm 84 and Psalm 139 this morning.
Psalm 84:1-2
1 comment:
thank you for being so open about where you are at and your walk with God. You are loved and being prayed for by people all around the world. Love you!
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