The Year Of Conviction - Heureka

Wow, yes, God is sovereign, doubts anyone???? This week I am housesitting for a colleague here at the church and it has been such a blessing for me so far. Over the weekend, I spend a lot of time with God, reading the Bible and listening to HIm. God convicts me time and time again...things that really cut through my heart, pierce it and let me cry in grief over how I behaved, over what I thought and all that jazz. I mean, it started during Christmas time when my folks were here and God showed me how much a lot of my pain was created by my misinterpretation of lots of situations, by my woudnedness and blindness because of that. Being convicted by God is a good thing, it really penetrates through soul and heart. It makes me cry and confess my misconceptions, my contempt, my jealousy, my pride.... This is how the truth sets us free, I'd say Galatians 5:1 is so true! Conviction does set me free. So back to last weekend and now: God showed me a lot of situations that I revisited where I was wrong, where I was centered around myself instead of around God, where I was not even close to let Jesus work in me. Pooh, that is not easy to face and it is painful but once I recognize it and own it and say: yes, God you are right, then God melts my heart and frees me to a higher freedom. It is hard to put into words. Yesterday during my quiet time I read the parable of the Lodt Son in Luke 15:11-35. I know this passage very well so I wondered if God could show me anything new or if it would just be one of those -read-it-again-moments. Guess what! God showed me a new perspective on the older son. I totally could see this one's jealousy knowing that he had done everything his father ever wanted, had been faithful and had not run off like the younger son. I saw the performance-drivenness. This son did not seem to trust his father. The relationship did not seem that close then. Just in the end in verse 31 the father has to tell the brother: YOU ARE AWLAYS WITH ME AND EVERYTHING I HAVE IS YOURS MY SON. Wow, this shows the fear that the older son had that he had to hear this and I guess the father really said this for the first time.

I see myself in that older son, the jealous brother. I have a lot of fears and I do not trust my Father in heaven like I could or like my heart longs for it. I am very performance-driven and it is hard for me to be. The younger son could receive forgiveness and the his father's grace and mercy. The older son was only bitter standing outside the party house, full of contempt. Wow.

Thank you Jesus for this insight, now let me grow in teh realtionship with you an the Father so that I can trust more and fear less! I love you!!

Your PRINCESS K