Man, my attitude is stinkin this morning. I mean, I took time off yesterday to relax and actually sleep and rest. I did but it seems I need more. Maybe I need more GOD-time and the maybe is wrong there for I know that is what I need. I am frustrated with where I am on my healing journey, I am not exactly gracious towards myself and the tiniest things tick me off today. Today or already yesterday? I know that I am in a ticked off phase and now my goal is not to go any further down my FASTER scale. This scale gives a closer picture of how we move from the Restoration phase to Relapse through Anxiety, Ticked off, Exhausted. It helps me to see where I am and shows me that I have a responsability and a choice to turn around.
Well, I am ticked and myself and at people and surely at God.
Lord, you are here with me, sitting with me on this white hospital bed in this room that is stinking. It is pain that smells, it is death that smells. There is a lot of that in me and I often do not want to look at it, LORD. It hurts to look at it. A lot of good things happen in my life and YOU show me joy and love in the midst of my crap and my shortcomings, Thank you lord, this is not a given, I know. Help me to sit here with you, willing to trust in YOU my Lord and Healer, my Shield and my strength!
your Kerstin Sunshine
1 comment:
Be encouraged Kerstin! I know exactly how you feel, and know i am there for you to throw-up on and I'll listen. See you tonight.
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