Coming back from a good walk and talk with BIG J

I have just come back from a long walk with Jesus. It is pretty amazing how wonderful HE is. It is pretty amazing how ALIVE HE is and I am absoluty in love with God.I am going through some dissappointments with myself, with other people and through some pain that is envolved in that. It is so good to talk with Jesus about it. He understands. Last week when I was with my friends and my little Godson, God woke me up one night. I woke up at 3:30 am and NO I had not eaten any pizza that night... (lol) and I was awake. I was so awake that it scared me (grin) After half an hour of trying to fall back to sleep I gave in and was reminded of little Samuel who was woken up by God. Samuel finally got it and answered: Here I am my Lord, what do want to tel me? So I asked the same. No answer...but I was more awake than before. Then I thought I could start to pray for things and asked God to show me the needs and to show me my heart. God led me to pray for my parents, to pray for the family I stayed at and He gave me a promise for that family. He asked me to bless people who hurt me and dissappointed me and He asked me to forgive myself. I got more and more excited and the thought of going back to sleep was way back in my mind. After 2 hours I started to get tired and fell asleep at about 5:30am thinking: Oh my oh my, I will be so exhausted when little FAlk comes to my bed in the morning to wake me up to play with him at 7am.............but surprisingly I was not exhausted. Surprisingly, I was up even before and ready for the day when the little cutie came to welcome me into the new day! Last week God spoke to me about patience and having children. See, I really love children, I love babies. They always love to be held by me. Yet, I experienced a very exhausting life as a mother last week. Little Falk stopped sleeping during noon...no nap for mom and my friend Sandra was so exhausted ;( It was easier for me than for her since this was just one week out of my life whereas THIS WAS her life. I thought a lot about my wish to have my own children one day. Good that all this is in God's hands but I was not the most patient auntie last week sometimes. I got reminded of all that after reading a friend's blog post (Christine). Interesting how God speaks to us. Here are some words out of a song, an old song sung by Steven Curtis Chapman:

I can hear it in the baby's cry In a mother's lullaby Everytime the morning sky Begins to glow I can feel it pounding deep inside It's keeping faith alive And i will not let it die The heartbeat of hope I am learning I'm learning as I go Just how thankful hope can be The ache of yearning Can never let you go It has become a part of me But pure are the longings Holding on and holding out I'll keep holding to the one thing I know I can not live without

So I hold on to Jesus, I hold on because He is my life, HE IS my justice, He is my patience and HE is my wisdom, He is my all in all HE IS!!!!He is who HE is (Exodus 3:14) He is all that in me that I can never fully achieve. I want to achieve and achieve and operate in the spirit of religiosity, I am not better than any pharisee and I expect so much of me that my own expectations want to tangle me, BUT I DO NOT NEED THAT. I AM A CHILD OF GOD and in HIS NAME is my healing and my salvation, my righteousness and my justice!