LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE WHEREVER YOU ARE!
Not everyone knows this about me but I never made it a secret. I am learning more and more about it. Most of all, I learn how to live with it and yet contend for complete healing for I know that my God can do this. It is spoken of more and more in the last 20 years. It came to the surface in my life when I was 17 years old. It totally surprised me. I am talking about a light bi-polar disorder: episodes of depressions followed by manic episodes. I am amazed when I look at my life right now. I am amazed to see where I am. I never dared to dream to be able to live in a foreign country. But then God surprised me: He made a way for me to study a few months in Lausanne (Switzerland). I gave my life to Jesus there and started to develop a whole new view on life. He opened a door for me 
to go and pursue an internship and training in the States and He led me to South Africa where I am living right now. I never lacked any good thing, I always had my medication and I have always had awesome people alongside me who helped and help me to process situations, who help me in a practical way. I call this post : Miracles because suffering form this condition it is a miracle to do what I do and to have done what I did.
I was ok in Germany. I had a great doctor who had known me for years and who had found the right dose of medication for me. When I left for the countries abroad, I put all my trust in God, asking HIM to lead me to the right doctors. And guess what! HE did. I had an amazing doctor in the States who knew very much about bipolar and was great. He was a Christian and after my appointment He would always pray for me if I asked. And God did it again here in South Africa. I was so afraid that they might not have my special medication. But yes they have. The doctor HE guided me to is amazing and really great.
Let me tell you about a special Miracle: I started with St John’s Wart which did not really help me, then I went on to an anti-depressant..but for 2 or 3 years there was no real good reaction in me and the depressive and manic episodes for intense and really painful. Then my doctor asked me if I wanted to give Lithium a try. I was so desperate. I wanted quality of life back. I prayed that day and asked Jesus: “Lord, you are the beginning and the end of everything and I know you can use this medication for my healing. Please do, I am really tired of this….I need you Lord.” Then I took my fist dose of Lithium. I few hours later, I experienced something impossible and amazing. The dark clouds over my head started to vanish, hope filled the space instead. I called my doctor and thanked her and reported what was happening. She was surprised and said: That is impossible. The body only reacts to the medication after 2 weeks. I knew better. I praised my God. I knew HE showed me and HE heard my prayer. From there, we find the right dosage which balanced out a lot in my brain.
Being a Christian, I am aware how the spiritual side of things is important to see in this as well. God helps me to balance myself all the time. HIS peace does wonders.
Nonetheless, I am contending for complete healing. It is hard to feel myself or trust my judgment sometimes.
All in all, I am grateful. I am thankful to God for this walking miracle that I am in this very regard.
“Thank you Almighty God! Thank you for being a faithful God and I know that you work all things for good for me because I love you with all my heart. You hear my cries, you see my tears and you catch those tears. I cast my cares into your arms and I trust you, PAPPA!”
Kerstin, I am courting you!
I am on a great journey with Jesus these days. I’ve had some rocky weeks but last week it turned a corner. It all started with me reading in Psalm 40. I was touched by the fact that God hears my cry, HE hears my prayer. I had been contending for something in those rocky weeks and here was HIS answer that HE HEARS me. It touched me deeply. I love the way God moves me and the way HE helps me deal with things. In all this, HE rekindled my love for my God so much more.The next evening as I felt taking a walk around my safe complex, I felt HIS hand touching my hand and I could see us walking hand in hand. That felt so
good! I walked with my Jesus. The day after I saw my favorite roses in a store. As I walked in, I saw one rose bud on the floor. I picked it up and asked the security guy if I could have that one. YES, of course! I walked home and I felt Jesus HIMSelf had given me that flower. He is indeed courting me.
I am amazed at our GOD, my God. I just come back from a short walk around my apartment complex after a great thanksgiving day. I was able to spend it with dear friends (old and new).I was able to laugh and share….and I got my toenails done in such a cool way .
As I came back from the gym, I felt I needed to walk outside for a few minutes before turning in for the night. I could see the stars so brightly – how beautiful! As I walked, I talked to Jesus. I knew, He was walking right beside me. After a while, something shiny on the floor grabbed my attention. It was a 5 cent coin. Those who follow my blog remember maybe the post on 5 cent coins – guys this is really cool stuff.
In the past half year, God lets me find 5 cent coins…randomly. Every time, He reminds me of the truth: Kerstin, I am faithful and I provide for you, in every way!
So I’ve become aware of this, I can see a pattern in it and I know it is God – I know it is my Jesus. He knows my heart, He knows my desires and He provides…all the time. Thank you Jesus for reminding me again!
Why don't you do something for the Youth? Why don't you let them experience a real tabernacle?The idea stirred in my heart and a few weeks later we had the plan for the teens. We took 3 consecutive weeks. The first week, we led them through the courtyard. The first station in there is the altar of burned offerings. In the old days, the priest would have to kill an animal and burn it as an offering to ask forgiveness for the sins of the people. Forgiveness was only given and possible through the shedding of blood. Because of Jesus' offering on the cross, because of His blood that was shed once and for all, we can come to cross and bring our sins and burdens. The second station is the tank of water or Lavar. That is where the Priest had to wash and cleanse himself. This symbolizes that we don't stop by forgiveness. Our relationship with Jesus goes beyond forgiveness. We give HIm our heart and ask HIM to cleanse it. The 3rd station in the courtyard are the 2 Pillars where we go through in order to go into the Holy Place. The following YOuth meeting, we walked them through the Holy Place and right into the HOly of Holies. It was a great time. The third time we met, we actually transformed our room into a real tabernacle. It was an amazing time. As the 1st station, we had a big cross and bowls where the kids could burn all the sins and burden they had written down on paper. Then the 2nd station were two big bowls of water and soap - they could wash their hands and think about preparing their hearts as they would prepare for a date. We wanted them to think about meeting Jesus and preparing for it. We then had two pillars where they had to go through and proclaim God's truth out loud. Those are the only two pillars that have names in the Bible. Jakin (=He establishes) and Boaz (In HIM is strength) - both together they could mean: God establishes my strength. We let them say that out loud as they walked through. In the Holy Place was the table of SHowbread. We had real bread and the Bible and a lamp (as the Lampstand). As they ate some bread, they switched on the light and prayed that the Holy Spirit may help them understand God's word, then they read some Scripture verses. There was a table with incense on it. They had to smell it and think of that fact that they are a well pleasing aroma to our God. Now they stood in front of the Holy of Holies. The High Priest could enter that place only ONCE a year. Because of Jesus' death on the cross and HIS resurrection the curtain is torn and we can enter the intimate place with God. We asked the Youth to stay int he Holy of Holies thinking about who God is to them in this season. Let me tell you, it was a special time. I really treasured it and could only encourage you to try it too....with your YOuth or small gorup, with your friends. We do have an experiential mind and God's deep truths sink in much better with an experience that goes with it!
In the past weeks, I have been thinking about this a lot. It is not only because of the fact that I lead Genesis groups but also because of incidents I observe.
I want to write about the survival brain or how the expert calls it: the limbic system. I first heard about the limbic system in my studies in my psychology class (1999). Then I did not pay too much attention. You know how it is when you study, you learn to remember for an exam..that's it. At least that's how it was for me.
The next time I heard about the limbic system was in my training in the States (2005-2007). This time I started to be very curious.The limbic system of the brain is a group of structures which govern emotions and behavior. The limbic system, and in particular the hippocampus and amygdala, is involved in the formation of long-term memory, and is closely associated with the olfactory structures (having to do with the sense of smell).
That part of the brain records memories, experiences and puts them into three different areas: food, sex and safety. In other words: "The activities of the body that are governed are those concerned with self-preservation (e.g., searching for food and fighting) and preservation of the species (e.g., reproduction and the care of offspring), the expression of fear, rage, and pleasure, and the establishment of memory patterns". It is also called the survival brain because it is there to help the brain survive, to help the brain be safe. So everything, every situation that makes this part of the brain act up is then an unsafe situation. It must also be noted that the limbic system is part of the unconsciousness of the brain. Let me give you a wonderful example of how the limbic system starts to act up and takes control.I have memories (that are stored or engraved in the limbic system) that someone talked to me in a very disrespectful way which hurt me. The limbic system records thte feeling of pain and immediately kicks in and takes over since this situation is "dangerous" and not safe. The way it kicks in is that I get really angry when a person is disrespectul to me today. I REACT, I don't respond. Responding means taking a step back, not taking it personal and communicating well. REACTING means eather getting angry, running away or freezing. Reacting is the result of a limbic response. I have seen lots of limbic responses lately and it made me think of this whole issue. When we are in LIMBIC MODE we are reacting, we are not in full control of our behaviour and we say or do things that we could regret later on. I am fascinated by how God created us WITH this lymbic system. He created a survival brain that helps the brain to survuve trauma when young. Yet when we are older and we still behave out of our survival brain, then somthing is not right. Here is a short quote out of Michael Dye's Genesis Process from page 30:
"The part of the brain that controls your survival memories and responses is called the limbic ssystem. It has a seperate memory form the consciou part of the brain. It records experiences that have to do with pleasure and reward, hurt and fear. These memories are very important to your ability to survice. The limbic system sets up emotional (and behavioral) responses to AVOID things that have caused you FEAR and PAIN and it repeats things that have to do with PLEASURE and REWARD. This system is important in understanding coping behaviours. When you do something that takes away stress (in order to feel normal), the limbic system can associate it with survival and it becoems part of the CRAVING, pleasure and reward ("do it again") system"Isn't this amazing? It explains addiction to its core and it can give realization in order to find healing, in order to get rid of coping behaviors (such as: shopping, comfort eating, social drinking and smoking, sex addiction, getting lost in romance novels, numbing out in front of the tv etc...) I am amazed and I am eager to learn even more.
It was outreach time last saturday! Zakhele and I were asked to bring our Youth. What a priviledge!! The outreach was a day for little kids in Paternoster, a fisher town 1 1/2 hours north from Cape Town. After some activities and a lunch the kids would be given LOVE BOXES (like shoe boxes filled with goodies). Because of the fact that we have exam time right now, only ow of our Youth were able to join: Sheldon and Mario, our youngest ones. I had been in total anticipation and in prayer for us to be God's hands extended there.
As we arrived, the event started soon and Mario helped me painting the little one's faces. He did a great job and had a lot of fun. Sheldon was our camera man. He took picks and helped us. Both of them used their gifts. Later we had make sure that the kids sitting at 20 different tables would behave and listen to the program provided. Sheldon and Mario (both 12!!!!) did a great job in that as well.I was blessed watching them. During Lunch Time our Youth had been asked to entertain the kids. Sheldon and Mario were really nervous but they were a great part of a Pantomime that we showed. We also learned I love Jesus in Afrikaans and I taught the kids how to say I love Jesus in German. It was fun. Then came the highlight of the day, the giving out of the love boxes. Let me tell you something: Those boxes were packed with love and care and they came from....GERMANY!!! That was such a blessing and honor for me then to give each kid a love box and then to watch them open them. Look at the pictures.
At the end of the day, the 5 of us coming from Coastlands Community CHurch (Becki Rusk, Zakhele, Sheldon, Maro and myself) were a blessing and were blessed as well. That's how God does things :) so great so great!
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So here I am, I am moved by God, by HIs love and I know HE renewed me..just this last weekend, I cold feel HIM healing and mending things in my soul,my heart. It is still fresh that is why I am writing this note. I just walked down the street to come to this internet cafe and I felt different. SOmething has changed inside of me. Before I knew Jesus I never knew this feeling, this truth. Man Jesus is good, He grabs my heart again and again and HE whispers words of love in my ears. Really , you might ask...yes really and I am not crazy...well maybe crazy for God . funny. I have been in a relationship with Jesus for over 8 years and it still feels like yesterday that Jesus found me on a little road in Lausanne Switzerland...just like yesterday when I felt that peace for the first time...just like yesterday that I decided in my heart that this is God and that I would never let HIM go. Well, life is not easy with or without God, BUT is is easiER! it is and the love and healing that God has brought to me since then is amazing and HE never stops to love on me.
I just finished reading a book by a good author (just like my other favorite author Francine RIvers) Karen Kingsbury. I read the book but allt eh time it brougth me back to God and I often found myself putting the book down and talking to God like I would talk to you, you know? It was in one of those last nights that God gave me a word, a promise , something that gave me hope in some recent frustration I had.
Then I went and saw teh second movie of teh NARNIA serious and God swept me away. It is weird to describe but when I went to the theatre, I felt Jesus whispering into my ear ehile I was watching the movie. If you know Jesus and talk to HIM like to your best friend then you may know what I mean..
ANyway..the poin tof all this is that I just wanted to say that you can meet God anywhere, in a book, in a movie theatre and HE is real, HE is alive and I thank my God for loving me for wihtout HIM I would not be here , without HIm I would not feel teh hope and peace and love and without HIM...I guess I would not be alive anymore.
Thank you my God, this one is for you!!!
Wow, this book took my breath away-it let me read until dawn and not want to sleep or eat until I had finished it.
It made me come closer to understand God's love for me. I am moved to tears thinking about my God.
This book is about a prostitute's life and how after years in slavery God told a righteous and Godfearing man to marry and love her unconditionally. Michael Hosea did and this love totally got through to me. It is God's love for me, a sinner, for me, someone who always runs back to her pride, to the ways I know best, to sin and lies sometimes.
I am so glad to be called Daughter of the KING, daughter of the MOST HIGH God. I am so glad that I finally heard God's soft voice talking to me nealry 8 years ago on that road in Lausanne, Switzerland. I heard HIM say: it's all right, I am going ot take care of it. Oh and how He has since then!!!
8 Years of change, of healing , of pain but of hope and love.
God, help me to understand your love for me better and better. I do not want to run away form you or mistrust you anymore. Here I am, your little Angel! My Beloved!!!The book is simply stunning
