I am with you

I am listening to a song by Gateway: FAITHFUL GOD...that really comforts me. I am trusting in a Faithful God, a God that knows all my tears. Every enemy is subject to my Faithful God. To give some perspective to where I am at.....here is a description. It is confirmed and followed up by a painting. A few months ago, I recognized old and unhealthy thought patterns in my life. It reminded me of times I had found myself in depression. I recognized those thoughts. They were without hope but full of despair and without perspective. I cried out to God in inner pain. I went to God's promises in the Bible and tot eh promises HE had given me personally. I know my mind, my sould and body needed to be aligned to HIS order. In that time of agony, God spoke to me; He said:

"Kerstin, please don't be afraid, don't despair, I am here , I am here, I am taking your hand even now!"

One Sunday morning in church, a woman had a picture and as she was telling us what she had seen, I could actually see every single bit of it. It was me walking in a dark valley, there was still a long road ahead of me and I was weary and weak. Then Jesus came from the left into the picture talking to me, He took my hand and I saw us walking hand in hand. Jesus said:"

Don't be afraid of the dark valley, I am here with you and I am the one who is going to pull and guide you out of it.

" After that Sunday, I was inspired to paint the picture above. Here are some explanations to the picture: I painted dear sunrise behind the mountains.It symbolizes the HOPE to me that there will be sun soon in the valley. I wanted to paint Jesus differently than so many artists over the years: my Jesus is buff (he worked as a Carpenter helping his dad Joseph for a long time), that's why I put Carpenter clothes and tools on him. I am now working on a sequel to this picture since I am moving out of this valley....

May I introduce?

Working through things in life, I have come to know this specific person quite well. Most of the people would not see her as a person, but rather a thing, a system. I have come to understand that she actually is a person and she changes her gender when in a man. What am I talking about? WHo am I talking about? Let me introduce you to Mrs. L - Mrs. L is as old as I am. She has a specific mission in my life, a task so to speak. She is my bodyguard. She is there so I won't feel pain or fear. She helps me to survive. L stands for Limbic System. I blogged on it earlier. I have come to understand that she is a person, a person who wants to intervene so much :) Let me explain. When a situation does not feel "safe", she picks it up immediately and then she wants to jump to my rescue. When I was little and not able to resolve issues, I needed her to survive, to be ditracted from pain and fears. However, now that I am an adult, I don't need her like that anymore. I have had this converstation with her where I tell her that I don't need her in the same capacity anymore over and over again but she does not seem to listen. In a male person, she might be called Mr. L and Mr. L has the same task in life. Mrs. L is the one that acts up and I am learning how to coexist with her, how to calm her down, how to make her some herbal tea and let her relax in a nice hammock so I can deal with pain and fears in my life to actually resolve them. This is a slightly different look at the limbic system and how it stands in the way of true healing. - hope you had fun :) I am making some herbal tea now to give to Mrs. L and then I go on with my day. haha

Creative Writing – What was on Malchus’ mind?

Who is Malchus? He is mentioned in the Bible only once in only one of the 4 Gospel accounts (John 18:10). I should take you back to the Garden of Gethsemane right after Jesus was done praying to His Father in his dark hour…the last free night before he got arrested and taken to the cross the following day. Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus came along with the Priest’s servants to arrest Jesus. As Judas betrayed Jesus handing him over, the guards/ Priest’s servants took hold of Jesus and tied him up. Then, Simon Peter jumped forward and cut off the ear of one of the servants with his sword. “The servant’s name was Malchus - His name is mentioned by neither of the other evangelists, nor is it said by the other evangelists who was the disciple that gave the blow. It is probable that both Peter and the servant were alive when the other gospels were writte” (E-Sword Comment on John 18:10). So here we go. I have been very intrigued by the character of Malchus. He actually is a minor character in the Passion of the Christ. After watching the Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson, I focused more on the side characters in the events. Malchus, one of the Priest’s servants came alive for me especially last Thursday when I watched it last. Getting into the character: He must have been an important one of the guards since he was chosen to go and arrest Jesus in the evening hours of the day before Jesus was crucified. My thoughts started to go with the flow of this situation. Here is what could have been going on in Malchus’ mind during the scene in the garden of Gethsemane: “Here we go. We found this guy, this blasphemous man. I wonder if he is really guilty. He does not look like it.” This is when Judas came forth and kissed Jesus calling him – My Rabbi – which is an official title of honor (Mark 14:45). “Ok, now we know it’s him. Let’s just arrest him.” At this moment, Simon Peter jumped forth, ready to defend Jesus cutting Malchus’ right ear off. “Oh my……what just happened? Is this Galilean crazy? What is this excruciating pain? My right ear?????Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?” As Malchus goes down in deep pain holding the right side of his head, Jesus reprimands his disciple, speaks and reaches out his hand, touching Malchus’ right side of his head and healing and restoring it completely (Luke 22:51). “What is happening? I cannot put this into words? My ear? My ear? My ear!” This moment is the moment that intrigues me the most. What must Malchus have felt, have thought? I bet there are no words, only appreciative silence and surprise, a gasp maybe and then…. Then Malchus could hear again, his right ear was back where it belonged. WOW. Malchus had a visitation from the Lord himself. He was healed and restored by Jesus in one little instant in the later hours of the day before Jesus’ crucifixion in the Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder how this must have felt. I have felt Jesus’ hand in healing myself but not in such a physical way. I am not here to draw attention to this healing. I want to draw attention to the encounter that Malchus had with the living Son of Man: Jesus Christ. He looked into Jesus’ eyes. I like the way Mel Gibson portrayed the scene. According to his movie, Malchus fell down on his knees suffering from the pain when Jesus got on his knees in front of Malchus and touched his right ear to heal it. In this second he looked deep into Malchus’ eyes. The moment freezes for me. It becomes eternity itself. A moment of deep healing and restoration. After that, Malchus stays on his knees deeply in awe watching the other guards taking Jesus away. He cannot move. He is amazed and touched. He had an encounter with Jesus. We all need an encounter with Jesus to understand that HE is real, He is true and He is the way to eternity! One encounter with HIM and we are never the same again. Malchus was not the same man after that night. That is what I am very sure about! The name Malchus means: My King - I wonder if Malchus thought that after his encounter witht he Living God??

THOUGHTS ON HEALING

It has been a while and time really flies these days. I feel inspired to share some thoughts about HEALING since we start up new healing groups at Coastlands Community Church next month. Healing sounds easy and desirable. Yet, it is really hard work in different ways. First it requires a hard look at oneself...Denial has to go out the window. This first step is one of the hardest. Denial is hard to pass by and honestly, I believe that only a realization given by the Holy Spirit can bring about the change and let one look at oneself in the light of truth. After the wall of denial starts crumbling down, pain begins to surface….pain and fear. Pain and fear are not easy to handle. I would even say that everyone instantly wants to run away or cover up all of it. That is where the journey towards healing can end for a lot of people who cover up their pain and fear under lots and lots of different things. Believe me, that is the easy way out….it is an instinct to do just that. Furthermore, it takes more than will power and a conscious decision to look at the pain. Yet, if one wants change and healing, there is only one way. It is a process and it nothing changes in a day. It is a choice to go through the pain instead of around it. There are no short-cuts when healing is concerned. I don’t like that part and would love to run away every time pain surfaces…but that are definitely is not the answer. Besides, I have experienced it more than one time when I let the pain surface and look at it and let Jesus take it away, then do heal and change. I do know that it is not an easy road, but it is def. the most rewarding road ever. I have seen people set free from bondages, from pain, from fears. There is such beauty about the new and changed person…a beauty that comes from deep within. My heart and passion is for healing even though it is a hard road.

plain EVIL

I am telling you now why I call this post PLAIN EVIL. Yesterday as part of my job for a saturday clean up, I had to water the plants in our two gardens and remove any type of weed. The watering was great as I also watered myself a bit (laugh). That wasn't bad at all because summer has started here in Cape Town and the sun was out....so a splash of cold water was awesome. As I was watering the plants a "plant" caught my eye. It looked nice, yellow and seemed two embrace the normal plant. As I kneeled down adn looked underneath, I saw a network of roots: this was a major weed. The more I tried to get to the root, the main root of this big weed, I got disgusted: it was huuuuge and it was deep in the ground.As I was digging I found another one of that kind. I thougth:

These ones are plain evil!! They disguise themselves as being nice and beautiful colourful plants but in reality they are evil and not good- in reality they actually take the water, the plants should get."

As I was praying, I could see so easily how that one was an illustration of sins in my life and of lies from the devil. They can sound so real, so right but are meant to do evil. When I don't look at things in my heart, my garden in there will be infested by such plain evil soon because evil grows...... We heard our Pastor preach this morning about Godly desire and good intentions and how good intentions can be just like those weeds.....looking good on the outside but no eternal value.

I desire more of God in me

PottersHANDS

In the Potter’s hands I am glad I know the Potter. I am glad I know my God....but then I wake ap and my longing increases to get to know HIM even more. Then I realize I hardly know HIM. I am in the Potter’s hands. Think with me: as the Israelites passed through the Red Sea, they must have been amazed and in total AWE. Yet, shortly after that, they find themselves grumbling and being impatient for the promise of God had given them was not as close at hand as they tought. They found themselves at Marah, the place with the bitter waters NOT KNOWING that in God’s bigger picture they would reach ELIM, a place with fresh springs of water and Palm trees. They did not see it coming. I I can see this being displayed in my life right now. I try to trust God and believe my Potter for the desire of my heart that seems to grow stronger and stronger. Yet I am faced with my own grumbling, disbelief and my doubts andmy struggles. I hear myself complain to the Potter – listen to THIS: The clay is complaining t o the Potter Himself!!!! I realize that God sees the bigger picture and that He is actually leading me to the bountiful springs of Elim, to provision and at the end to the Promised Land. This is a time of character building o….yet again. I love my Potter, I love Him soooo much and as I come as Kerstin to Him, my wish is to be moldable clay, my wish is to bear good fruit, to be patient and wait for my ELim. I am in the Potter’s hands!!

GERSHWIN

Gershwin This blog post is not about music, not about that music style that Gershwin the composer professed. It is a about a normal man, a man that suffers, a man that is desperate, a man that needs God. I am talking about Gershwin who lives near the area that I find myself these days: a suburb area of Cape Town. He lost his son of little age not long ago. Now he wants to give his son at least a proper place. He needs money for his coffin. He walks the streets to ask people for money. He walks the streets like so many people do. Some among them are not safe people……….but some are. One day, my doorbell rang. I went to see who it was. I kept the door closed for I did not know this man. He said: “Ma’am, I saw your car parked outside here and I thought I could ask you”. Then He went on telling his story. All that time, I am praying for insight, praying for wisdom. “Is this a safe person God or is this trouble?” My guts told me to step out of the door and pray with this man. SO I did. I prayed for open doors for him and for the money that he needed for his child’s coffin to come through. As we both said AMEN, I felt compelled to give 30 Rand towards that coffin. (30 RAND equals about 3 $ and 80 cents). The man started crying and thanked me. I encouraged him some more and he was on his way again. Gershwin was his name and I never forgot that name. In the nights I would pray for him asking God to bless Gershwin, to help Gershwin mourn his child’s early death and to provide for him. Three days later, my doorbell rang again. “Ma’am, do you remember me? I was the one man you prayed for a few days ago?” Surely I did. “It’s you, Gershwin?” I heard Gershwin start to cry. He was so touched that I remembered his name. He said: “This time I come because I need God and I want to be his child, Ma’am, can you please lead me to the LORD? Now?” I stood behind the door, still, praising God and in awe. I opened the door and came outside to lead Gershwin to Jesus. After the prayer, he looked at me with such shining eyes. “Now, I am a proud son of God, Ma’am!!” Hope filled this man’s face and heart and he showed me even the receipt of the funeral home where they had the coffin for his little child. I encouraged Gershwin in his new identity in Jesus now some more and off he went. At the end of the day I stand before my God, still in awe, thankful and praying for Gershwin that God provides for him, that God protects him and that now a new relationship between God and Gershwin can grow! Halleluhja!!! A new son in the kingdom, Lord please let Gershwin grow in you and give him hope for his every day life!

McGyver

McGyver Do you remember the series on TV in the 80is called “McGyver”? He was the one who could fix everything with the coolest tools. He was cool and he always had new ideas. If someone always knows how to fix things in new ways…I say this one can “mcgyver” things pretty well! I say, this one is a true McGyver. Can you follow me? I know a true McGyver. It is a Madame McGyver and I call her that a lot and we both grin. I want to introduce you to Madame McGyver, to my Madame McGyver: Her name is Granny Jenny and I live and stay here with her. She is a true Madame McGyver. She knows how to make a door UNsqueek, she knows how to get a stain of heavy paint out of my pants even after that one had been washed 3 times in the machine! She comes and just “mcgyvers” it!! I really loved watching that series on TV in the 80ies. And I love calling Granny Jenny Madame McGyver. Do you know a true “McGyver” in your life? I mean the ultimate McGyver is Jesus, the one who restores, the one who saves, the one who who knows it all very wel……yeah I guess that is HIM then, hugh? This post is for Granny Jenny and even more this post goes to my one and only real Mr. McGyver, my Savior, the one who saves my day, the one who heals my broken soul and helps me to see the world from different angles!!

SweetRENEWAL

So here I am, I am moved by God, by HIs love and I know HE renewed me..just this last weekend, I cold feel HIM healing and mending things in my soul,my heart. It is still fresh that is why I am writing this note. I just walked down the street to come to this internet cafe and I felt different. SOmething has changed inside of me. Before I knew Jesus I never knew this feeling, this truth. Man Jesus is good, He grabs my heart again and again and HE whispers words of love in my ears. Really , you might ask...yes really and I am not crazy...well maybe crazy for God . funny. I have been in a relationship with Jesus for over 8 years and it still feels like yesterday that Jesus found me on a little road in Lausanne Switzerland...just like yesterday when I felt that peace for the first time...just like yesterday that I decided in my heart that this is God and that I would never let HIM go. Well, life is not easy with or without God, BUT is is easiER! it is and the love and healing that God has brought to me since then is amazing and HE never stops to love on me. I just finished reading a book by a good author (just like my other favorite author Francine RIvers) Karen Kingsbury. I read the book but allt eh time it brougth me back to God and I often found myself putting the book down and talking to God like I would talk to you, you know? It was in one of those last nights that God gave me a word, a promise , something that gave me hope in some recent frustration I had. Then I went and saw teh second movie of teh NARNIA serious and God swept me away. It is weird to describe but when I went to the theatre, I felt Jesus whispering into my ear ehile I was watching the movie. If you know Jesus and talk to HIM like to your best friend then you may know what I mean.. ANyway..the poin tof all this is that I just wanted to say that you can meet God anywhere, in a book, in a movie theatre and HE is real, HE is alive and I thank my God for loving me for wihtout HIM I would not be here , without HIm I would not feel teh hope and peace and love and without HIM...I guess I would not be alive anymore. Thank you my God, this one is for you!!!

I AM YOURS dear Lord of mine!

I've just listened to a powerful song I totally forgot about. I listened to it 2 or 3 years ago when I was in the States and nearly had a nervous breakdown from too much. My pastor told me to listen to the songs of Misty Edward and to paint hidden away from everthing and everyone. I did. It was hard at first to be alone with God wihtout any other person BUT God knows I needed it badly. I painted and sank away in the Lord's presence and I listened to one song in particular- it is called: I AM YOURS by Misty Edwars. It is beautiful and strong...just touched my heart so much again and pulled me before the throne in such a good and healing way. Tears are wonderful and healing tears are the best. I want to share this song with you,here are the lyrics:

Though I sleep, My heart is awake Though it's night, on You I wait (Repeat) It's been a long night, And I am weary It's been a long time, And I am hungry So I'll wait in the stillness again I'll wait in the quiet again When I heard Your voice When You said my name When I heard Your voice My heart it yearned (Repeat) In the middle of the night In the middle of the night In the middle of the night My heart it yearns (Repeat) Though You're far away, Still I'm here to say I am Yours, I am Yours And when You feel so far away, Still I am here to say: I am Yours, I am Yours (Repeat x 3 set) And I pay my vows, No turning around I'm burn the bridges that can't be found (Repeat) For when I heard Your voice And You said my name When I heard Your voice My heart it yearned… For You…