May I introduce?

Working through things in life, I have come to know this specific person quite well. Most of the people would not see her as a person, but rather a thing, a system. I have come to understand that she actually is a person and she changes her gender when in a man. What am I talking about? WHo am I talking about? Let me introduce you to Mrs. L - Mrs. L is as old as I am. She has a specific mission in my life, a task so to speak. She is my bodyguard. She is there so I won't feel pain or fear. She helps me to survive. L stands for Limbic System. I blogged on it earlier. I have come to understand that she is a person, a person who wants to intervene so much :) Let me explain. When a situation does not feel "safe", she picks it up immediately and then she wants to jump to my rescue. When I was little and not able to resolve issues, I needed her to survive, to be ditracted from pain and fears. However, now that I am an adult, I don't need her like that anymore. I have had this converstation with her where I tell her that I don't need her in the same capacity anymore over and over again but she does not seem to listen. In a male person, she might be called Mr. L and Mr. L has the same task in life. Mrs. L is the one that acts up and I am learning how to coexist with her, how to calm her down, how to make her some herbal tea and let her relax in a nice hammock so I can deal with pain and fears in my life to actually resolve them. This is a slightly different look at the limbic system and how it stands in the way of true healing. - hope you had fun :) I am making some herbal tea now to give to Mrs. L and then I go on with my day. haha

More on dancing

I love dancing and I know that God is redeeming something in me while I dance. That is so special to know. As I said in my earlier post, dancing is more spiritual than we think. Dancing is part of God's healing plan for our lives.I am reading a book on dancing right now..and I go dancing twice every week. I am blessed and I learn a lot. In dancing a man becomes a man and a woman becomes a woman. Let me unpack that again. When the man starts to learn how to dance, he also learns hoe to lead and be assertive, how to be strong and confident. This is an important part a man needs to learn in life to be the man God created him to be. When a woman learns how to dance, she learns how to follow the man's lead, how to trust the one who holds her and guides her. She learns how to be confident and how to shine. This is part of what God has initially put into the sould of a woman. Isn't that beautiful?

5 cent :)

I need to share this. For quite some time now, I randomly find 5 cent coins on the floor. I always pick them up and pray that God will give me increase in finance. I pray God's favor over my finances, over everyone that is supporting me financially and I start thanking God. It never stops...just yesterday I found another 5 cent coin. :) Thank you my LORD

The survival brain

In the past weeks, I have been thinking about this a lot. It is not only because of the fact that I lead Genesis groups but also because of incidents I observe. I want to write about the survival brain or how the expert calls it: the limbic system. I first heard about the limbic system in my studies in my psychology class (1999). Then I did not pay too much attention. You know how it is when you study, you learn to remember for an exam..that's it. At least that's how it was for me. The next time I heard about the limbic system was in my training in the States (2005-2007). This time I started to be very curious.The limbic system of the brain is a group of structures which govern emotions and behavior. The limbic system, and in particular the hippocampus and amygdala, is involved in the formation of long-term memory, and is closely associated with the olfactory structures (having to do with the sense of smell). That part of the brain records memories, experiences and puts them into three different areas: food, sex and safety. In other words: "

The activities of the body that are governed are those concerned with self-preservation (e.g., searching for food and fighting) and preservation of the species (e.g., reproduction and the care of offspring), the expression of fear, rage, and pleasure, and the establishment of memory patterns

". It is also called the survival brain because it is there to help the brain survive, to help the brain be safe. So everything, every situation that makes this part of the brain act up is then an unsafe situation. It must also be noted that the limbic system is part of the unconsciousness of the brain. Let me give you a wonderful example of how the limbic system starts to act up and takes control.I have memories (that are stored or engraved in the limbic system) that someone talked to me in a very disrespectful way which hurt me. The limbic system records thte feeling of pain and immediately kicks in and takes over since this situation is "dangerous" and not safe. The way it kicks in is that I get really angry when a person is disrespectul to me today. I REACT, I don't respond. Responding means taking a step back, not taking it personal and communicating well. REACTING means eather getting angry, running away or freezing. Reacting is the result of a limbic response. I have seen lots of limbic responses lately and it made me think of this whole issue. When we are in LIMBIC MODE we are reacting, we are not in full control of our behaviour and we say or do things that we could regret later on. I am fascinated by how God created us WITH this lymbic system. He created a survival brain that helps the brain to survuve trauma when young. Yet when we are older and we still behave out of our survival brain, then somthing is not right. Here is a short quote out of Michael Dye's Genesis Process from page 30:

"The part of the brain that controls your survival memories and responses is called the limbic ssystem. It has a seperate memory form the consciou part of the brain. It records experiences that have to do with pleasure and reward, hurt and fear. These memories are very important to your ability to survice. The limbic system sets up emotional (and behavioral) responses to AVOID things that have caused you FEAR and PAIN and it repeats things that have to do with PLEASURE and REWARD. This system is important in understanding coping behaviours. When you do something that takes away stress (in order to feel normal), the limbic system can associate it with survival and it becoems part of the CRAVING, pleasure and reward ("do it again") system"

Isn't this amazing? It explains addiction to its core and it can give realization in order to find healing, in order to get rid of coping behaviors (such as: shopping, comfort eating, social drinking and smoking, sex addiction, getting lost in romance novels, numbing out in front of the tv etc...) I am amazed and I am eager to learn even more.

fav pics of my friends

Here are my favourite pictures of some of my friends that I miss. I would love to be a bigger part intheir lives but that would mean that I cannot do what God has put on my heart to do here in South Africa. I want to honor my friends today!

THE DANCE - a blessing and a healing part

Here we go. I can finally write this post after the recent events enfolded yesterday. I should start at the beginning. My dad used to be a dance teacher. He actually danced in national tournaments and later became a judge to be asked to judge big tournaments in ballroom and latin dancing in Germany. He would take me with him when he judged..so I always was around dancing. My dad was also the one who taught me my first dance:

an internation Rumba to Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise"

. Even before it was time for us late teens to join a dance studio in 9th grade, I was able to dance already quite a bit. My dad is my ultimate heron in this. I could dance any dance with him since he led so well. I only had to stay in rhythm and remember my basic steps: how awesome!! From early on it became my wish that my future husband would dance like my dad (grin)...or lead like him. A BLESSING PART: I have not been able to dance for over 10 years now. Lots of things took precedent in my life. However, this year God wanted to bless me, my heart and my inner desire in a special way: 4 weeks ago, one of my teens from church gave me a voucher for 2 free dance lessons. I felt like as if it were my birthday or Christmas. I counted down the hours until that very day and I loooved it. I was able to attend 2 social dance evenings.....and let me tell you...I never really sat down...I danced all the time and I loved it! I really wanted to attend that dance studio since I found really great people there as well. Nevertheless, my financial situation would not allow me to. I felt very sad but pressed on and prayed for God to make a way. Last night I received an email where dear friends and supporters from the States wanted to bless me with the finances for going dancing!!!! My heart started jumping, I can hardly put it into words. God has seen my heart and my heart's desire. Now I can go dancing!!!!!!!! A HEALING PART Now I want to tell you about the healing part dancing can be. God has been speaking to me about it for a looong time. There is more to this world than the things we see. There is a spiritual reality. Everything that happens in the natural effects the spiritual and everything that is birthed in the spiritual has a lasting effect on the natural. Where do I go with this? Stay with me and read on: The dance of a woman and a man is a very spiritual thing. It shows a natural order of things. Have you ever noticed that when a man leads well,he makes the woman shine? When a man leads well, the woman is very eager to follow his lead. In this way she can shine the most. Now lets take this as a metaphor for how God intended the relationship between a man and a woman to play out here on earth. If the man leads well, the woman is very happy to let him lead and follow his lead. IF a man does not lead, the woman needs to take over and if you look at such a couple when dancing...it does not look so wonderful. When the woman knows that the man takes care of her and knows where to go, she can trust him and follow his lead. When a man goes dancing God actually wants to heal the man's identity in being a leader, being the man but also being sensitive to the woman's needs. When a woman goes dancing, God actually wants to heal the femininity in her, the overflowing grace and the ability to trust the man. Now you hopefully see that THE DANCE has a blessing part but even more so a healing part!

I give glory to God who knows my heart and helps me to balance out my ministry life with a beautiful dance!!!

What a SMILE can do

Have you ever noticed what a SMILE can do to the countenance of a person? Place yourself in front of a mirror. Look at yourself and DON'T smile....then all of sudden give yourself a big SMILE. When you are out and about, observe the people around you. Check what a difference it does to a the appearance of a person when he/she smiles. What a SMILE can do!!! A SMILE can show the bring forth the inner beauty of us all. The radiance that is found within. This weekend, I was honored to be at a ballroom dance competition. Two teens of my Youth group were competing and did a great job (Go Kylie, go Lawrence!! As I sat there watching, I observed all the other people dancing as well. What a difference it made when I see a person smiling. Go and check it out :) Let's give each other a SMILE and see what it can do

Thankful

I am so thankful. Where do I start? Every morning when I drive to the office: the church here, I am speechless. It looks so good and I remember whenI came over 2 years ago. The building did nothave a roof, nor windows or doors and look at it now. I am thankful for my health, for getting up in the morning and feeling strength, for being able to go out of my house, for being able to drive around, for being able to sleep well uring the night. I am really thankful, grateful and humbled in the presence of my GOD.

4 1/2 weks sick

I am glad I am on the mend. After 4 1/2 weeks of being sick, on bedrest and so weak that I had to stay in my flat all the time...I am soo happy to see the world again. i am still pretty weak but it is much better. I am on vitamin b shots now for a month which is boosting my immune system. The thing that concerened me the most while i was down was that I had never seen and experienced my body to be like that. During this time, God really taught me about Faith and I learned and grew closer to my Creator,t he one and only God HImself. I did let Jesus build new pipelins of Faith for me where could only pray: I Believe but help my unbelief. More abot that at another time, sorry for not posting so often. I will try to update my blog more often

Creative Writing – What was on Malchus’ mind?

Who is Malchus? He is mentioned in the Bible only once in only one of the 4 Gospel accounts (John 18:10). I should take you back to the Garden of Gethsemane right after Jesus was done praying to His Father in his dark hour…the last free night before he got arrested and taken to the cross the following day. Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus came along with the Priest’s servants to arrest Jesus. As Judas betrayed Jesus handing him over, the guards/ Priest’s servants took hold of Jesus and tied him up. Then, Simon Peter jumped forward and cut off the ear of one of the servants with his sword. “The servant’s name was Malchus - His name is mentioned by neither of the other evangelists, nor is it said by the other evangelists who was the disciple that gave the blow. It is probable that both Peter and the servant were alive when the other gospels were writte” (E-Sword Comment on John 18:10). So here we go. I have been very intrigued by the character of Malchus. He actually is a minor character in the Passion of the Christ. After watching the Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson, I focused more on the side characters in the events. Malchus, one of the Priest’s servants came alive for me especially last Thursday when I watched it last. Getting into the character: He must have been an important one of the guards since he was chosen to go and arrest Jesus in the evening hours of the day before Jesus was crucified. My thoughts started to go with the flow of this situation. Here is what could have been going on in Malchus’ mind during the scene in the garden of Gethsemane: “Here we go. We found this guy, this blasphemous man. I wonder if he is really guilty. He does not look like it.” This is when Judas came forth and kissed Jesus calling him – My Rabbi – which is an official title of honor (Mark 14:45). “Ok, now we know it’s him. Let’s just arrest him.” At this moment, Simon Peter jumped forth, ready to defend Jesus cutting Malchus’ right ear off. “Oh my……what just happened? Is this Galilean crazy? What is this excruciating pain? My right ear?????Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?” As Malchus goes down in deep pain holding the right side of his head, Jesus reprimands his disciple, speaks and reaches out his hand, touching Malchus’ right side of his head and healing and restoring it completely (Luke 22:51). “What is happening? I cannot put this into words? My ear? My ear? My ear!” This moment is the moment that intrigues me the most. What must Malchus have felt, have thought? I bet there are no words, only appreciative silence and surprise, a gasp maybe and then…. Then Malchus could hear again, his right ear was back where it belonged. WOW. Malchus had a visitation from the Lord himself. He was healed and restored by Jesus in one little instant in the later hours of the day before Jesus’ crucifixion in the Garden of Gethsemane. I wonder how this must have felt. I have felt Jesus’ hand in healing myself but not in such a physical way. I am not here to draw attention to this healing. I want to draw attention to the encounter that Malchus had with the living Son of Man: Jesus Christ. He looked into Jesus’ eyes. I like the way Mel Gibson portrayed the scene. According to his movie, Malchus fell down on his knees suffering from the pain when Jesus got on his knees in front of Malchus and touched his right ear to heal it. In this second he looked deep into Malchus’ eyes. The moment freezes for me. It becomes eternity itself. A moment of deep healing and restoration. After that, Malchus stays on his knees deeply in awe watching the other guards taking Jesus away. He cannot move. He is amazed and touched. He had an encounter with Jesus. We all need an encounter with Jesus to understand that HE is real, He is true and He is the way to eternity! One encounter with HIM and we are never the same again. Malchus was not the same man after that night. That is what I am very sure about! The name Malchus means: My King - I wonder if Malchus thought that after his encounter witht he Living God??

THOUGHTS ON HEALING

It has been a while and time really flies these days. I feel inspired to share some thoughts about HEALING since we start up new healing groups at Coastlands Community Church next month. Healing sounds easy and desirable. Yet, it is really hard work in different ways. First it requires a hard look at oneself...Denial has to go out the window. This first step is one of the hardest. Denial is hard to pass by and honestly, I believe that only a realization given by the Holy Spirit can bring about the change and let one look at oneself in the light of truth. After the wall of denial starts crumbling down, pain begins to surface….pain and fear. Pain and fear are not easy to handle. I would even say that everyone instantly wants to run away or cover up all of it. That is where the journey towards healing can end for a lot of people who cover up their pain and fear under lots and lots of different things. Believe me, that is the easy way out….it is an instinct to do just that. Furthermore, it takes more than will power and a conscious decision to look at the pain. Yet, if one wants change and healing, there is only one way. It is a process and it nothing changes in a day. It is a choice to go through the pain instead of around it. There are no short-cuts when healing is concerned. I don’t like that part and would love to run away every time pain surfaces…but that are definitely is not the answer. Besides, I have experienced it more than one time when I let the pain surface and look at it and let Jesus take it away, then do heal and change. I do know that it is not an easy road, but it is def. the most rewarding road ever. I have seen people set free from bondages, from pain, from fears. There is such beauty about the new and changed person…a beauty that comes from deep within. My heart and passion is for healing even though it is a hard road.

Becki Rusk

This post if about Becki Rusk. I met her nearly 2 years ago here in CapeTown. She came with her husband John to have COastlands Community Church to be their base and home church for when I travel. They are missionaries. I really like Becki and even now that she sngs with the angels int throneroom and is with Jesus, I cannot stop thining about her. She went to be with Jesus after 8 months of ling cancer. I enjoyed her so much while she was here. She was a real servant - someone who listened very well. Whenever I see lavenar bushes I think back of her andhow she would stop and smell them before wlking on. I love her laughter and her smiles. She really ad a gentle soul. When I drive arond here in Table View,there are so many little memories that pop up daily. I never saw her upset. When we had a small gorup that met every friday at 5:30am and I was not able to get my car, Becki would come and pick me up, take the extra time - it blessed me tremendously. She always had this peace about her, she was centered in Jesus and I could see it, feel it , even smell it. One day I met with her at the mall. It was shortly after Johnand her had moved here, found a place to stay. Becki told me that day tha she had always loved working out and walking but that there was not really a good possibility to do that here. Then she thought of walking around the mall for an hour with me....we walked and talked during that time, sahred hearts...and hse got her workout!! Whenever I am in the gym right now, I think of her. THen our outing to Paternoster: It was an outreach and Becki wanted to go so bad. She was already in pain during that time but did not know about the cancer. She drove and we took 2 of the YOuth and Zaks with us. It was an awesome experience that I will never forget. I guess I cosnider myself very blessd to have spent time with her. I miss her and my heart and prayers go out to John, her mom Novella and her dad Ralph and to all the family. Gone too soon..... but then God must have really wanted her with HIM....