So let me begin:
I guess it was in September 1999, when I came to Lausanne (French Part of
Switzerland at the lake Geneva). I came there to study English and French. I had been with my fiancé for over 4 years then and was
afraid to leave for an amount of time. We had a nice time and right before we had
been in the States.
When I came to Lausanne I still missed USA and the language a lot. In my first month there, I became depressed. A lot of new things were going on, new impressions, new culture etc.
Then there was a invitation of a welcoming evening dinner with all the other international students from the exchange program Erasmus. I went there to meet people. I met
Christine. She was American, so I loved being around her, it made me remember my visit in the States. I thought she was a student just like all of us, actually she came there to find international students for her international bible study ;) I talked with her and found out hat she was sad. I asked her and she told me about it. It was hard to understand how this decision could be a good one because she was so sad.
That was not logical for me= I asked why she did not change her decision. She said
GOD had told her right in her heart not to .
I was shocked- how can a GOD talk to people, this girl is crazy, I thought. I thought that was just not right and that girl must be crazy or something (
sorry, Christine, isn't aht funny?). I did not say anything like that to her. I must have had such an expression on my face, for
she quickly changed subjects. We talked about Disney and how I want to become a Disney animator (
good move Christine, that was smooth!). We still exchanged email addresses, I thought we could write each other and I can keep a contact in ENGLISH (
very selfish) But when I went home that night, I was sooooo disturbed and confused and angry and just crazy. I
called my mom, asking: Can you believe this crazy thing? God talking to this
person...she must be out of her mind. I talked this over with other friends,
totally irritated (
God uses people in wonderful ways!!!!)
But after some days, I forgot it again (
weird!)
But now as she had my email, she sent an invitation for
her bible study with nice publicity every week (
Christine, you really have a gift there- these emails were really cool and gripping!!!). I always read them, then deleted them with the mind like: who cares???? Then there was a Christmas party in Christine's apartment, she sent an invitation via email as well, and I decided to go, because I knew it was not only these strange Christian meetings. I went there, and when I entered her apartment, I could feel a real peace, a calm atmosphere, something sooo wonderful. I liked it, I looked around in her apartment and had a good evening with Americans and others. No Christian talk!!
When I came home for Christmas, I kind of missed this atmosphere and the new friends I hade made on that dinner evening. It was Christmas, a family event and for the first time, my uncle’s suicide (that had happened 5 years prior) came up in my mind and started to make me really sad and moody. I could not cope with it and how my family had split up afterwards. When I came to Lausanne in January, I really felt
exhausted and alone, alone with this heavy load. One night, when I really felt like crying, I went out with my Walkman, I had instrumental music on. I like instrumental strong music; it makes me really in the mood to cry when I need to. I walked along the way and asked myself (back then I thought I asked myself-actually I asked GOD)
How can I cope with this suicide, how can I have peace again, then I began to cry, listening to the music, it was very loud music.
Suddenly, I could FEEL and hear a soft whisper...like from the wind…actually there was NO wind) on my left ear, I turned my head, puzzled what that was. Then I saw a leaf floating to my left foot. I could not go on walking, I had to stop and pick up the leaf. And, I tell you, as I took it in my left hand, I could smile for the very first time in about some days. I had the strong impression that someone just hugged me, and a thought came to my mind: IT IS ALLRIGHT I WILL TAKE OVER NOW: IT IS ALRIGHT DO NOT FEAR: so I was amazed, did not know what to Think first. I started thinking, IS THIS GOD???? Then I remembered an email from that very morning from Christine talking about another bible study on the following day.
Well I decided to go there. I thought: I cannot loose anything, I feel so bad and helpless, why not check that out. I was somehow encouraged by the leaf and kept it (
I still have it!!). I told Christine that I wanted to come to her bible study, she was very puzzled, said, yes, all right, but called me 3 times afterwards to ask and ask again, if that was true. Yeah , sure, I said.
So I went there. I was soo amazed on how they studied the bible (the blind Beggar in Luke) and I was touched by it (
I study literature and love to interpret and do text work) they did it like I love working with texts. Then Christine asked to pray and if there were some requests. I knew I HAD one, but I felt nervous
(should I tell them my private problem, they do not know me here???) well I did because I felt a strong pressure to tell it: so I said; can we please pray for my family, my once committed suicide and we all suffer a lot especially my grandma, my aunt and cousin. Then we sat there to pray, I was nervous, full of fear and trembled, my hands were wet and cold, when I fold them to pray. As soon as Christine said my prayer request to the LORD in prayer, my hands began to glow; they became warm and wonderfully dry and calm.
I could feel energy within them and did not want to unfold them for 30 minutes after the prayer, right then GOD gave me a
real peace in my heart, a peace I had been waiting for all my life. I just said out in my heart:
God, now I know that it is YOU, it were YOU yesterday with the leaf as well, I will never let you go!
I felt enlightened and refreshed on that evening and told this to Christine, she wanted to see me 3 days later. I told the Lord that night:
Lord I am a blind beggar, please make me see and help me.
This was my first prayer- then one week later I became a Christian. Within this week, I struggled severely with the fact to take Jesus as my center of life and not my fiancé Marco. After I wanted to have Jesus in my center, Christine prayed with me and then I felt sooo excited.
I will never forget this one thing: I was not completey ready to have Jesus as my center. My heart was but I still had my fiance heavily in the center of my heart. Although Christine saw that she trusted God enough that evening in her kitchen to ask me to pray with her. (
Christine, this one is for you: I am so thankful for the discernment Jesus gave you that night!!!!! If you had told me not to pray that night for I was not ready, I would have turned and totally walked away with a bitterness and a WHATEVER attitude toward Jesus! Your acceptance, meaning Jesus' acceotance through your actions were crucial! thanks for your obediance!)
Now to complete the story from Christine's point of view (
at least from what I know so far):
She did not know me well; we just had seen each other on that dinner eve and on that Christmas dinner in her house, surely she had met a lot of other people, but it is then strange to know that she spoke about me on the day of Christmas when she was home in California, She told her dad (who is a pastor) that this tigger girl Kerstin she had met, would never come to Christ,
She was sure for that. When she came home, she saw an email from me that I missed her and friends in Lausanne. She began to wonder, and then I called her 3 days later telling her I come to her bible study, she even became afraid, asking back if I would really come. She could not understand the world any longer (
I now udnerstand more and more how eird it must have been!!). Then when I shared a prayer request on my first eve, she was puzzled even more and one week later, when I gave my life to JESUS, she fell on her knees in her little room
in the night being stunned with God's miracles and how He had performed a 180 u-turn in my heart that fast!!!
For me it did not feel like it, but I was in the movement, not knowing how much I had been changed. But a lot of people told Christine and me that something was different.
Perhaps I should say that my parents do not go to church. I was in different churches in different times of my life, once to have confirmation, but back then I only wanted money, nothing else. Within the last years I kind of felt things whenever I visited a church in a town. I felt peace, started to pray to GOD and stuff, but as soon as I stepped out of the church, I forgot everything hugged myself and said, wow, good Kerstin, you went into a church (full of pride hugh? )
well, but it shows that Jesus had knocked onto my door a lot earlier.. ;)
I will leave you now with joy, thank you that you wanted to know my testimony. It always helps me to say and tell it again, to remember God's miracle in my life.
Victory , that is what I proclaim, victory and I am not standing alone...all of you are standing with me, an army of warriors, an army of lovers, an army of encouragers, an army of intercessors!
Victory over this life that is to be proclaimed...every day!
