As surefooted as a deer!

I got to look at Psalm 18 a few days ago and some verses jumped at me. One is verse 33:

"He makes my feet as surefooted as a deer, leading me safely along the mountain heights" (NLT)

I wrote it on a piece of paper and stuck it in my car,so I could look at it when I had to wait for a green light. It really comforts me to know that HE made me so I can walk on those mountain heights. The mountain heights don't represent the HIGH times in my life but rather the difficult times...the times of struggle where I am afraid to slip. But then it says that HE is leading me SAFELY along those heights. That is amazing and really calming. I love the picture I found as I googled IBEX: An ibex is a kind of wild goat that lives in the mountains and has to come down for food and pasture every day: here we have two ibex in the alps looking down - in the background we see the vastness of the alps. Just like the little ibex has the bigger one to the left, I have Jesus. SO awesome....and not only for the hard times in life. In good times HE jumps around with me over the green pastures :) The picture at the bottom shows how surefooted these goats need to be to maneuver around. Stunning. I blogged on IBEX already on this blog. so

WEEDS

Today we were working at the church again and here is an example how a practical thing can become a lesson in faith. I went to help and as I arrived there was one task laid out for me: Get rid of the weeds in our garden. I started with one side and Pastor Xavier did the other side. While I am weeding I am thinking of the spiritual application of things. I pray: Lord, please weed the garden of my heart, please tear out what hinders me to be with you, Jesus. After a while we took a break so Pastor Xavier and I talked: Isn’t it interesting that it is quite easy to remove the small weeds, to recognize the small weeds. Yet, when the weeds grow stronger and bigger, it is sometimes hard to distinguish from the plants (the truth) and the weeds (the bad stuff in our lives). Sometimes the weeds position themselves very closely to the plant, that makes it even harder. The harder it gets the more skills and the better tools are needed. It is the same with how the bad stuff in our lives if left to grow/if ignored it grows and then there comes a time when it is very hard to distinguish between the truth and the bad. Have you been there? I have and I was quite astonished about how the practical action of weeding could remind me of an important truth: Let God get rid of stuff that is not His truth, stay accountable, be real!!

GiveTHANKS

Normally, I would have preached on my 9th birthday- how fun! But they postponed the meeting and ministering to the older people for a week. That is fine with me- I am prepared now. Yes, I am pumped by God's truth. I want to share it with all of you who are intersted in a simple truth that has the most impact on our lives: GIVING THANKS- Stop for a moment: what are you thankful for right now...right now in this moment? I am thankful that God is in control and that He guides me and that I will see dear friends of mine from Germany in the next days or in the next week!! Giving thanks is powerful- Giving thanks puts us in a humble place- Giving thanks is God's answer to life!!! There are two very powerful accounts of Jesus found in the gospel of John where we can learn something from Jesus concerning giving thanks. 1-Check out the account when Jesus feeds the 5000 in John chapter 6. We do know the story: After Jesus had just confronted the Saduccees and given proof that he was the Son of God, he crossed the sea of Galilee and found himself followed by at least 5000 people (it says 5000 men and therer probably were children and women too). There was no money to buy food for all. Then a lillte boy gave them some fish and a loaf of bread. Now, think with me: I would have prayed likethis: please heavenly Father, please multiply this food, make it more so we can all have at least a little bit, Amen. But what did Jesus do? Have a look: He took the bread , broke it and gave THANKS to God- then he gave out the pieces and there was even enough to fill 12 baskets in the end!! A Miracle!!

What does giving thanks do? It multiplies provision!!

2-Check out the account when Jesus comes "late" to the tomb of his friend Lazarus, who had died. Jesus was moved to tears (the chortes verse in the Bible: Jesus wept!. When He stands in front of the tomb Jesus prayed. Was it a long prayer? Was it a prayer like: Dear Father, please give Lazarus his life back- please perform a miracle? NO - look closer with me....Jesus GAVE THANKS.

Giving thanks brings resuurection- Giving thanks brings things to life!

So I learned to powerful truths from the way Jesus acted and prayed to HIS Heavenly Father:

1. Giving thanks brings multiplication in provision and 2. Giving thanks brings resurrection.

That is powerful and I do believe there are more examples of truth int he BIBLE of how powerful the very simple act of GIVING THANKS really is. I applied it a lot this week already. A lot of times I don't feel like giving thanks and yet through doing it...God is changing my heart! Greetings from Kerstin,with a thankful heart :) Let us approach the throne of grace iwth confidence and let us enter into HIS Gates with thanksgiving!!!

FAITHikePOTATOES

Lifestyle relationship! That is what fascinates me at the moment. It is all about relationship and being real and authentic. It is all about WALKING THE TALK and about a faith that shows reality. This is part of my work right now in my Junior High small group of girls that I am leading. Likewise it is a big theme for our church here at the moment. This last Saturday evening I put in a DVD in my laptop and have not been the same since. I watched a South African movie that blew my mind and touched my heart so much! I know…those who know me well also know that I am a pretty emotional individual (grin) but still, this movie is such a gem. It is called: Faith Like Potatoes (2006) (www.faithlikepotatoes.com) It’s the true story of an African (Zambian) farmer with Scottish heritage who encounters God and changes lives. Go ahead and look for it in your Blockbuster video shops…ask or find it as a DVD on the internet. It is worth every cent and every minute you watch. There are a lot of good movies out. However only a few really reach that deep and leave an everlasting touch of Jesus on our hearts. This is one of them. I blogged about good books on here like REDEEMING LOVE by Francine Rivers or THE ATONEMENT CHILD. It is awesome to see what good stuff is about apart from so much fluff and entertainment. Faith Like Potatoes: Angus Buchan, a Zambian farmer of Scottish heritage leaves his farm in the midst of political unrest and racially charged land and reclaims and travels south with his family to stat a better life in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa. With nothing more than a caravan on a patch of land, and help from a Zulu called Simeon, the Buchan family struggle to settle in this new country. Faced with ever mounting challenges, hardships and personal turmoil, Angus quickly spirals down into life consumed by anger, fear and destruction. It is a true story of this farmer who, like his potatoes, grows his faith, unseen until the harvest!!! May our faith be like that one of a potato: real and unseen until it is time for the harvest!!!

My identity in CHRIST

This was the title of what I spoke about last wednesday and it was exactly that topic that God chose to reveal to me in a deeper way. I am humbled and thankful. I am so thankful that God has not only made me wiser but stronger in HIM over the past couple of days!! It all started with my teaching. I felt extremely unworthy to preach about that topic for I felt not like a princess or a child of Go dor an overcomer in CHrist at all. I fought with tons of stupid lies that seemed bigger than they actually are. The day after my teaching I actually fell into a depression and I was physically down as well. I knew that I believed lies instead of God's truth at that point, but I only knew it with my mind. God reminded me of what He had shown me about the fact that I should just come to him with what I have and with HIS touch only it would turn into something. A night later I went to a seminar and was prayed over and that was when I realized somethign extremely important: I had tried to find my identity in my role as a long term missionary instead of in Jesus. I had tried to figure out to do everything right, to read a lot to learn a lot and to do all that is required of a missionary like me. I stopped seeing myself in CHrist first. As I said in my last blog entry, I am not a superwoman! I have never been a missionary and I have never done what I will soon be doing. I simply have no clue and only with the touch of Jesus something can happen here...only with HIS touch. Funny how God let me teach about it to start the process of introspection and now I see, now I understand and I am glad that He has shown me ....here and now. Here, Jesus, this is all I have, I give you Kerstin, ALL OF HER, and with your touch we will touch the world to do the impossible!!! Kerstin, a child of God, HIS masterpiece

Jesus: here is what I have, only with your help we can move things!!

Yesterday, as I was walking to catch my train my mind went back to this last week. Jesus wa so gracious to me. He stooped down and caught my soul and changed my heart and my inner man. I suddenly had to think of the situation when Jesus was about to fee the multitudes. He had just taught and talked to the diciples and it was later i hte day. Jesus asked his disciples to go and get something to eat. I could easily see myself as one of those disciples...I felt suddenly right in the middel fo the story: Did Jesus just tell us to find something to eat for all these people here? I looked at this multitude...men, women and children.........how on earth.... oh well all of us split up and tried to buy as much food as üissble with the little money we had. After a while we got 5 pieces of fish and 3 loaves of bread. I felt so bad. This is not enough! We need to find more! We need to. In my hastiness I ran around trying to find more. ALL THIS HAPPENED IN MY THOUGHTS WHILE WALKINT TO CATCH THE TRAIN TO FRANKFURT DOWNTOWN!!! Suddenly I realized something. I would have run around to get more on my own for hours. HOWEVER, JEsus wanted me to come back with what I have and say to HIM: Jesus this is all I have, only with your help we can do the unbelievable! Now I transfered that to my situation:

Jesus does nto want for me to be the perfect Missioanry who understand everything and is superwise. He knows me, He knows what I can do and what I cannot do and still HE chose me. HE wants me to come to HIm and say: Jesus, here I am, it is only me, Kerstin, not superwoman, only with your help I can be the Missioanry, only with your help I we can do unbelievable!

wow, what a revelation!!!!

God's encouragement! Thank you dear LORD

Tonight I was at a Youth group and we had worship. I helped out. After the 3rd song, my heart ached more and more for God to touch me and fill me. I have been feeling so unworthy and filthy, so bad during the past days. I felt unworhty of my calling and could not udnerstand why God had chosen me. After that 3rd song God gave me a picture:

I could see with my inner eye that God poured out clear fresh water into my open hands. He said: "Wash yousrelf!" I washed my face and felt the refreshment. At the same time I could see God's approval of me in whatever circumstance.

THANK YOU DEAR LORD!! THANK YOU THAT YOU ALONE CAN MAKE ME WORTHY!!!!

A change, a relief and a challenge!

So here I am and I have news...big news..news that totally confirmed my sense but news that I still need to process as well. I am going to stay for 2 more months in Germany. I will fly out in the second week of january to go to the country and city God has calle dme to : South Afrcia / Cape Town. I had been sensing such a peace over the fact that God will do what He needs to do and if it took longer for me to go to Aouth Africa then God is Soveriena dn He has plans I do not know of. Well last night I talked with the pastor from Cape Town and throughout our conversation it got clearere and clearer that we would not be able to get all the documents for the 4th of November which is in one month and 2 days. The month of december is a low month there..epopel are on vacation..it is like our month of july. Hence, there is not a lotof activity in the church. This means taht I could use that time better to stay here and raise support and maybe work if that is the case. We talked about where I could stay and about how things are going. I felt such a peace about the whole january idea that we both decided to stay with that plan. I have time to organize my support better, to werite letters and speak and be with my family over Christmas. I also sense that the latter is a very important thing in my recent relationhip with them. All in all this is the best and I trust God because He has the perfect timing! I do not want to rush, I want to trust HIM and risk to live a life worth living!!!!! Emotionally, I am processing this big change right now. I woke up last night and was awake for an hour trying to grasp the whole thing. Good that Jesus has all in HIS hands. I need that. I feel like that little lamb very close to Jesus' heart. Glory be to God in the Highest

Kerstin at the flee market PART II :)

I am so tired but happy, not because of any money but because my God was so personal and lovng to me today that I am touched beyond words. I got up at 5am in the morning to prepare for my second adventure at the flee market. I had put all stuff in the car last night and now the next chapter could begin: I arrived at 6:15am at my place, payed the little fee and set up all my stuff. One the way to the market I committed this work to the Lord: Let people be blessed and let me not look at the money but at the hearts of the people that would come- this was my prayer after reading Psalm 37 this morning. I got rid of more than half of my stuff for not a lot of money. However, I samg a lot of songs, hummed and was happy for I saw how it blessed the people that came by. I had an awesome neighbor and we got along really well, singing, dancing and chatting about this or that. I was blessed and she said that she was blessed as well. Then an older woman from the Jehova's wittness appeared, bought my coffee machine and wanted to sell or give me those magazines...THE WATCHTOWER . I politely said NO and still we had a nice chat. I could bless a woman whose name is Anna. She has a little Baby and two odler sons. her husnand died with 36 years and now she is alone. SHe bought htings and aksed if I could drive to her appartment after the market ot bring them to her. I said yes. After the market I could not remmenber where that street was and my cell phone was close to die , so I could not ask her ( she had given me her number). As I asked the Lord driving in the car, I looked at the next street sign and it was exactly the street I needed to go- I just felt a soft hug from the Lord it was marvellous. As I came into Anna's appartment, I was blessed with her smile and we talked over a coffee and I was able to see and hug her little baby girl- she gave me a biiiig baby smile and my heart melted. I was touched by that woman's life and I am asking God now to reveal to me if I can bless that woman and if then how. God also encouraged me in me going to South Africa in HIs own way which is indiscribable. All in all I am tired now but happy- I think i made 40 Dollars but in the unseen world I gained so much and could bless so much, wha a wonderful experience! Thank you my dear God, thank you for your sweetness! I love you!!!!!! P.S. ON THAT ONE PICTURE I AM WEARING THE RED BEANIE ABOUT WHICH I BLOGGED A FEW MONTHS AGO- LOOK AT THIS BLOG POST CALLED ; THE RED BEANIE

Moldable clay, that is what I want to be

Moldable like clay in the POTTER's hands......... I am being molded and changed into something new....a few moments ago the Potter was doing something with his right finger on me, making a line, a curve, then He took the whole of me and started something new. The clay , which is me, is being bent, being shaped into something new. It hurts, the pain goes deep, it is hard to let go and hard to see now what the POTTER already knows and sees for HE knows His plan and the big picture. Tje only thing that remains for the clay is to trust in HIS/Her creator, to trust that this creator knows HIS job and sees already the finished product: a beautiful vase with a butterfly on it.

Thank you dear God, in your arms I commit my soul and my "clay", mold me, shape me as you like it for YOUR will be done! YOur bride Kerstin, the moldable clay

Life journal

At East Hill we all got a life journal. That is a journal with bible verses throughout the whole year. It has three different sections for different reader: the snack (that is just a few verses), the meal (mostly two passages) and the feast (that is more ). Today I started with the snack of the 2nd of August, which is John 4: 1-43- Jesus and that woman at the well. One verse struck me in particular: verse 34 (NLT) writes: S My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing His work. O

Jesus must be hungry, he sat down at the well, feeling weak after a long walk through Samaria when he met the woman. His disciples ask him again and again if he needed something. Yet Jesus replies with this sentence. Through doing what God has put on his heart, he regains strength and is nourished in a deeper way.

A

WOW, again Jesus talks about the spiritual nourishment. It makes me think of him being in the desert when the devil tempts him to make bread out of stones. We do not live just by bread, but by the living bread which is the word and through the union with Jesus who is the living bread. Every day my mission is and hsould be to do the will of God who sent me and to finsih HIS work. What does this mean for this very day?

P

Dear Jesus, I thank you that you are the living bread and that I can commmunicate with you! I love you so much, I can hardly expalin in words. Please help me to see what you have called me to this very day. Help me to lvoe my mom and dad and to be a light in this atmosphere. Help me to be responable for allt aht I think and do! My life is in you , Lord let me do your will! Amen

Test in trusting - Promises need faith!!

Wow, so I am in a total trusting training here. Trusting in the lord my God....... HE is my shelter and my solid rock on which I stand. As I am reading in Hebrews I learn how important it is to have God's promises followed by faith I need to put in HIM and HIM alone. Words without acts are dead as James declared and it is true. The Israelites had all those promises from THE ALMIGHTY GOD and yet they did not put their trust in HIM and so those promises have were not fully fullfilled. In Hebrews 4,I read about God's rest and I yearn to enter this rest and I say and proclaim that I trust my God to fullfill allt He promises that HE has given me. HE will come through!

My dear dear Lord, thank you for givingme promises and now I tell you that I trust you in all you do to fullfill those! Help my mistrust and give me strength to stand firm in these days! YOur Princess K

Test in trust, promises need faith

WOW, I am tested in my trust to the Lord big time. Yet, I stand firm on the solid rock, HIS promise. Reading in Hebrews this mroning made me realize that God's promises need to come with faith on my part. God had promised the Israelites so much and yet when they were in the desert, they did not put their trust in GOD and acted on that faith. Thus the promises were nor fullfilled. I strive to enter into God's rest as it talks about in Hebrews 4. And I need God's help to trust in the promises that He has given me. WOW, what powerful Scripture!

I trust and stand, you are my portion, my deliverer, my shelter,s trong tower and I come to you in time of need: NOW! Your Princess :)

Kerstin, you are not supposed to settle!

While I was doing my devotions this morning, reading in Micah and Hebrews, I was reminded of a verys special time where God spoke to me earlier this year. We were in our weekly staff meeting at East Hill Church and our now Senior Pastor was sharing. He showed us a wooden staff that he got from a friend with Hebrews 11 engraved on it. Jason told us the following:

So one day this handmade wooden staff was on my desk, a gift for me and I was touched. God had spoken to me through one of our Foursquare leaders in Hawai recently that I was not supposed to settle but I was supposed to be a Pioneer. In this transition of becoming the next senior pastor of East Hill Church I have had a lot of challenges. So when I came into my offices and saw that wooden staff, God's voice was loud and clear to me: Jason, you are a Pioneer, not a Settler.

While jason shared, my heart started to beating faster and my cheeks were covered with tears flowing down my face. I heard God's voice that tuesday morning sometime in January in the Office Complex South of East Hill CHurch Kerstin, you are not suppposed to settle! Needless to say that I was absolutely on my knees in my heart. See, just a few days prior to that, I had told Jesus: You know Jesus, I could live like this for a long time...doing the mail here at East Hill, learning more in Restoration Ministries and going to classes and having all these wonderful relationships here. This is perfect. Then God says, He does not want me to settle. BOOM! Deep in my heart I know that is what I am made for but it is not that easy: making friends, letting go, grieving and being open for something new again. Now let's go back 4 years or so. I was living in Frankfurt at that time. Early in hte morning, God had called me out to take a walk with HIM outside- so I went. When I was talking to HIm and looking around I nearly stumbled over a wooden staff. I felt I needed to pick it up. I did and whenI stood there, looking over the little creek nearby my house standing on a little hill, God spoke to me and I saw a vision: Kerstin, you will be a shepherd of many! I saw me standing a this hill wiht the staff in my right hand....kid of leaning on it. I could see an ocean of people gatheredto listen to me or to be led by me or something like that. I kept that staff and this morning God reminded me again! Thank you dear God, thank you for your guidance and here is my heart in full obediance in fear but with confidence that YOU are the best I could give it to :)

Tigger girl -who is that?

Tigger is a fun guy. I guess you met him sometime in your life. I love Tigger a lot. I called myself Tigger girl years ago. I have really enjoyed Disney characters since I was 16 years old. I even dreamed of becoming a Disney animator for a while. My favourite character is tigger. Yes, there are tons of other fun little characters like the narrator from Aladdin (Salam and good evening to you my dear friends...) or Tarzan's mom Kala who does such a great job loving and lettin go, or like Buzz Lightyear (To infinity and beyond!!) or like Pete's Dragon...... However, Tigger has always topped them all for me. Why, you might ask? Well, Tigger is funny, unlike the gloomy and depressing negative Eeyore, or the panicy Piglet or the annoying Rabbit. Tigger is funny and bouncy. But today I got hit by God's mighty Spirit in the most tender way possible: Tigger is also very selfish. He does not think of others first. He is very self-centered and bounces over people's feelings before he thinks about it. I have done that in my life and I see some tigger-influence in my life. Whenever I worry too much, or whenever I am deep down in the mud trying to figure out how God is healing me, or whenever my inner child needs some attention...then the negative side of tigger comes out and I get very self-centered and I know I hurt people. Yes I know Tigger has his good sides and I glean from them , too.

So today I got reminded of a converstation I had in Lausanne..7 years ago in a very cute little cafe where you can get the best hot chocolate in the world: My friend and I were talking about Winnie the Pooh and Tigger and all their friends from the Hundred Acre Wood and how they represent people in real life and Christians. See, there are these people who need the rules and cannot relax at all. I call these people RABBITs. Then there are people who are scared all the time and who have a hard time go through life without shivering. I call them PIGLETS. Then there are these people who see everything in a negative light and who are depressed and say :POOR ME all the time. These ones are EEYOREs. Then there are POOHs who see the good in everyone, who trust easily and who are a little bit naive as well. Then there are TIGGERs who want to have fun fun fun all the time, who are pretty independant and who always bounce over Rabbit's carrots :)

Can you see us Christians in those characters? Dear Lord thank you for reminding me that I am not the only one on this planet. Help me to be sensitive and other-centered dear God and help me to have trust and faith just like a Pooh Bear. Your tigger girl Kerstin

My full Testimony

So let me begin: I guess it was in September 1999, when I came to Lausanne (French Part of Switzerland at the lake Geneva). I came there to study English and French. I had been with my fiancé for over 4 years then and was afraid to leave for an amount of time. We had a nice time and right before we had been in the States. When I came to Lausanne I still missed USA and the language a lot. In my first month there, I became depressed. A lot of new things were going on, new impressions, new culture etc. Then there was a invitation of a welcoming evening dinner with all the other international students from the exchange program Erasmus. I went there to meet people. I met Christine. She was American, so I loved being around her, it made me remember my visit in the States. I thought she was a student just like all of us, actually she came there to find international students for her international bible study ;) I talked with her and found out hat she was sad. I asked her and she told me about it. It was hard to understand how this decision could be a good one because she was so sad. That was not logical for me= I asked why she did not change her decision. She said GOD had told her right in her heart not to . I was shocked- how can a GOD talk to people, this girl is crazy, I thought. I thought that was just not right and that girl must be crazy or something (sorry, Christine, isn't aht funny?). I did not say anything like that to her. I must have had such an expression on my face, for she quickly changed subjects. We talked about Disney and how I want to become a Disney animator (good move Christine, that was smooth!). We still exchanged email addresses, I thought we could write each other and I can keep a contact in ENGLISH (very selfish) But when I went home that night, I was sooooo disturbed and confused and angry and just crazy. I called my mom, asking: Can you believe this crazy thing? God talking to this person...she must be out of her mind. I talked this over with other friends, totally irritated (God uses people in wonderful ways!!!!) But after some days, I forgot it again (weird!) But now as she had my email, she sent an invitation for her bible study with nice publicity every week (Christine, you really have a gift there- these emails were really cool and gripping!!!). I always read them, then deleted them with the mind like: who cares???? Then there was a Christmas party in Christine's apartment, she sent an invitation via email as well, and I decided to go, because I knew it was not only these strange Christian meetings. I went there, and when I entered her apartment, I could feel a real peace, a calm atmosphere, something sooo wonderful. I liked it, I looked around in her apartment and had a good evening with Americans and others. No Christian talk!! When I came home for Christmas, I kind of missed this atmosphere and the new friends I hade made on that dinner evening. It was Christmas, a family event and for the first time, my uncle’s suicide (that had happened 5 years prior) came up in my mind and started to make me really sad and moody. I could not cope with it and how my family had split up afterwards. When I came to Lausanne in January, I really felt exhausted and alone, alone with this heavy load. One night, when I really felt like crying, I went out with my Walkman, I had instrumental music on. I like instrumental strong music; it makes me really in the mood to cry when I need to. I walked along the way and asked myself (back then I thought I asked myself-actually I asked GOD) How can I cope with this suicide, how can I have peace again, then I began to cry, listening to the music, it was very loud music. Suddenly, I could FEEL and hear a soft whisper...like from the wind…actually there was NO wind) on my left ear, I turned my head, puzzled what that was. Then I saw a leaf floating to my left foot. I could not go on walking, I had to stop and pick up the leaf. And, I tell you, as I took it in my left hand, I could smile for the very first time in about some days. I had the strong impression that someone just hugged me, and a thought came to my mind: IT IS ALLRIGHT I WILL TAKE OVER NOW: IT IS ALRIGHT DO NOT FEAR: so I was amazed, did not know what to Think first. I started thinking, IS THIS GOD???? Then I remembered an email from that very morning from Christine talking about another bible study on the following day. Well I decided to go there. I thought: I cannot loose anything, I feel so bad and helpless, why not check that out. I was somehow encouraged by the leaf and kept it (I still have it!!). I told Christine that I wanted to come to her bible study, she was very puzzled, said, yes, all right, but called me 3 times afterwards to ask and ask again, if that was true. Yeah , sure, I said. So I went there. I was soo amazed on how they studied the bible (the blind Beggar in Luke) and I was touched by it (I study literature and love to interpret and do text work) they did it like I love working with texts. Then Christine asked to pray and if there were some requests. I knew I HAD one, but I felt nervous (should I tell them my private problem, they do not know me here???) well I did because I felt a strong pressure to tell it: so I said; can we please pray for my family, my once committed suicide and we all suffer a lot especially my grandma, my aunt and cousin. Then we sat there to pray, I was nervous, full of fear and trembled, my hands were wet and cold, when I fold them to pray. As soon as Christine said my prayer request to the LORD in prayer, my hands began to glow; they became warm and wonderfully dry and calm. I could feel energy within them and did not want to unfold them for 30 minutes after the prayer, right then GOD gave me a real peace in my heart, a peace I had been waiting for all my life. I just said out in my heart: God, now I know that it is YOU, it were YOU yesterday with the leaf as well, I will never let you go! I felt enlightened and refreshed on that evening and told this to Christine, she wanted to see me 3 days later. I told the Lord that night: Lord I am a blind beggar, please make me see and help me. This was my first prayer- then one week later I became a Christian. Within this week, I struggled severely with the fact to take Jesus as my center of life and not my fiancé Marco. After I wanted to have Jesus in my center, Christine prayed with me and then I felt sooo excited. I will never forget this one thing: I was not completey ready to have Jesus as my center. My heart was but I still had my fiance heavily in the center of my heart. Although Christine saw that she trusted God enough that evening in her kitchen to ask me to pray with her. (Christine, this one is for you: I am so thankful for the discernment Jesus gave you that night!!!!! If you had told me not to pray that night for I was not ready, I would have turned and totally walked away with a bitterness and a WHATEVER attitude toward Jesus! Your acceptance, meaning Jesus' acceotance through your actions were crucial! thanks for your obediance!) Now to complete the story from Christine's point of view ( at least from what I know so far): She did not know me well; we just had seen each other on that dinner eve and on that Christmas dinner in her house, surely she had met a lot of other people, but it is then strange to know that she spoke about me on the day of Christmas when she was home in California, She told her dad (who is a pastor) that this tigger girl Kerstin she had met, would never come to Christ, She was sure for that. When she came home, she saw an email from me that I missed her and friends in Lausanne. She began to wonder, and then I called her 3 days later telling her I come to her bible study, she even became afraid, asking back if I would really come. She could not understand the world any longer (I now udnerstand more and more how eird it must have been!!). Then when I shared a prayer request on my first eve, she was puzzled even more and one week later, when I gave my life to JESUS, she fell on her knees in her little room in the night being stunned with God's miracles and how He had performed a 180 u-turn in my heart that fast!!! For me it did not feel like it, but I was in the movement, not knowing how much I had been changed. But a lot of people told Christine and me that something was different. Perhaps I should say that my parents do not go to church. I was in different churches in different times of my life, once to have confirmation, but back then I only wanted money, nothing else. Within the last years I kind of felt things whenever I visited a church in a town. I felt peace, started to pray to GOD and stuff, but as soon as I stepped out of the church, I forgot everything hugged myself and said, wow, good Kerstin, you went into a church (full of pride hugh? ) well, but it shows that Jesus had knocked onto my door a lot earlier.. ;) I will leave you now with joy, thank you that you wanted to know my testimony. It always helps me to say and tell it again, to remember God's miracle in my life.

German ramblings- OG=Only German

Also jetzt mal ehrlich, meine change group ist schon echt gut und immer wieder werde ich herausgefordert- mensch, heute war es schon echt krass. Ich bin emotional ziemlich fertig, da ich vehement eine grosse Erkaeltung abwimmeln will und schon total ermuedet bin. Dazu kommen Halschmerzen, laufende Nase und einfach Schlappheit. Grr. Ich will nicht krank sein, denn wir fliegen in 5 tagen nach Suedafrika! oh mann! all das und in der Kleingruppe heute abend ging es um Aengste, Aerger, Essen, etc, um Sachen die wir fuehlen oder tuen, um nicht Schmerz oder tiefe Aengste entgegen zu sehen. Bei dem Thema Essen hab ich zugemacht:

da hab ich keine Probleme, ich hab schon genung was ich staendig beschaue, lasst ich bloss in dem Gebiet zufieden!

Huch wo kam denn das her? Diese Stimme in mir war laut. Krass. Ich weiss dass hinter so einer Reaktion meist mehr steckt. Und meine Hausaufgabe ist es , mich dem zu stellen. Oh mann, was ne Hausaufgabe. Mein Gott der in mir ist, ist groesser als der Herrscher dieser Welt. Und mein Gott will mich frei sehen, frei von Aengsten und Schmerzen! Danke dir mein Gott und Herr! Dir allein gehoert mein Herz und all mein Klumpen Muell den ich mit mir herum trage, hilf mir mich zu respektieren wenn ich schwach bin denn dann bist naemlich DU superstark!!!! Deine Kerstin

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU TRAVIS, here is the picture on the left side.. Travis helped me!....Oh I should start at the beginning, right? So this morning I get an email from my mom. She was so excited showing me a picture my dad had found. I had painted and created that picture when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. It is a house with a big heart on the side and in that heart I wrote: DADDY. Then when you turn it around I wrote on the house: GOD FINDS ME!!! That is AMAZING but what is even more AMAZING is that my mom is so positively shocked and amzed by this. She even called me on my CELL PHONE a few moments ago to ask me to read my email and then show the picture to people because it is "so incredible"!! God is doing something in my mom! he is working and boy has HE been working on me! What an AMAZING confimation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go GOD!!!!

SURRENDER

The picture you see on the left side is one I painted 3 years ago in a prayer room. I was inspired by the strong feeling in my heart that told me : Kerstin surrender all, surrender all to HIM, to Jesus. Surrender is scary and can even give us panic attacks if we do not know our God or even trust in HIM.

I bow down and am happy that God gave me the talent to put my feelings on paper in color or in black or white.

a heart-shaped cloud JUST FOR ME!!

I could not let the day go by and let that last post of fear stay. God has spoken into my heart since that post and I feel much better. Yes the struggle is there but I chose to speak into that and I say I am free and happy to be where I am in life these days!

As I was lamenting and venting being really kind of sad, I looked up in the sky and what did my eyes see????? A cloud in a PERFECT shape of a HEART, you guys (you guys@!!)

It was Jesus saying to me:

Kerstin YOU are my Valentine, I am yours, we rock,we are a good team!

Yes Jesus, we are a good team and my heart is yours, sold out and proud to be a child of GOD!You hold me close to your heart these days, you understand my anguish yet you lift me up! Thank you my Valentine, my Jesus! Help me to live what I just wrote, help me to live that every day!!!

your Valentine Kerstin