OH MY GOSH!!!!!

Here i am, it is past midnight after 3 full and eventful days here in Cape Town, Le CAPE. I am absolutely astonished, my friends. It is so beautiful here and warm and sunny! A lot reminds me of Southern France where i have been a lot in my life. It feel like hoem although it is soooo far away, so unerneath the equator..... The moon looks different here ....can you believe it? I am amazed..and absolutely in awe. I am dependant on God ..even more than in the States, I need God for not freeking out. I am full of fear these days and at the same time the adrenaline of the fact that I am doing what I am built for does not make sense.. what an oximoron. I fear a lot and in the first 2 days I just wanted t ducka nd run away..... am I supposed to move here? really? Or am I dreaming? Do I make a mistake and will I fall in depression....all my core fears come up and try to pull me down. It makes sens!Yet I am swinging the stone of David in my hand, the stone that tells me taht nothing is too hard for my God! Please pray with me that I can trust God, taht I discern and that I let HIM lead me and vise versa! JESUS YOU ARE LORD YOU REIGN FOREVER MORE JESUS YOU ARE LORD YOU REIGN YOU REIGN HOLD ME STRENGTHEN ME CLOTHE ME FEED ME AND HELP ME BREATHE EVERY SECOND OF THE DAYKERSITN SUNSHINE

up I go and off I'll be for 14 days and you will see

It is 5:40am ,saturday and I am about to leave this place for the airport. The last couple of days were stressfull but I am glad where God has me right now: weak and vulnerable, that is when HE has the most space in me and God is working through more than I try to control things. I had a major cold but HALLALUJA, the only thing remaining of that is that my throat is soar now ..all congestion gone :) I cannot wait to tell you about kerstin's fabulous adventures in South Africa. Blessings!! KSB

German ramblings- OG=Only German

Also jetzt mal ehrlich, meine change group ist schon echt gut und immer wieder werde ich herausgefordert- mensch, heute war es schon echt krass. Ich bin emotional ziemlich fertig, da ich vehement eine grosse Erkaeltung abwimmeln will und schon total ermuedet bin. Dazu kommen Halschmerzen, laufende Nase und einfach Schlappheit. Grr. Ich will nicht krank sein, denn wir fliegen in 5 tagen nach Suedafrika! oh mann! all das und in der Kleingruppe heute abend ging es um Aengste, Aerger, Essen, etc, um Sachen die wir fuehlen oder tuen, um nicht Schmerz oder tiefe Aengste entgegen zu sehen. Bei dem Thema Essen hab ich zugemacht:

da hab ich keine Probleme, ich hab schon genung was ich staendig beschaue, lasst ich bloss in dem Gebiet zufieden!

Huch wo kam denn das her? Diese Stimme in mir war laut. Krass. Ich weiss dass hinter so einer Reaktion meist mehr steckt. Und meine Hausaufgabe ist es , mich dem zu stellen. Oh mann, was ne Hausaufgabe. Mein Gott der in mir ist, ist groesser als der Herrscher dieser Welt. Und mein Gott will mich frei sehen, frei von Aengsten und Schmerzen! Danke dir mein Gott und Herr! Dir allein gehoert mein Herz und all mein Klumpen Muell den ich mit mir herum trage, hilf mir mich zu respektieren wenn ich schwach bin denn dann bist naemlich DU superstark!!!! Deine Kerstin

FOCUS, Kerstin!

This week is preparation week and I am feeling sick. Preparation for South Africa. After my house mom, I got it now, too. I am tired and my throat hurts... anyway, what I want to proclaim with this blog is that I will focus on Jesus and dive in more to be with HIM. So much wants to distract me right now, worries, doubts, fears and struggles. I take captive every thought that does not lead to or comes from God. I crafted a prayer for this week out of psalms 32, 34, 77, 18 and Ephesians 3 and Jeremiah 32: I pray to you LORD and you answer me freeing me from all fears, I look to you for help and therefore will be radiant with joy- no shadow of shame will darken my face!! Lord my God you surround me with songs of VICTORY! When I feel I loose myself and I seem to be so alone, God, you draw me out of the deep waters Nothing is too hard for you oh God You can do even more...infinitely more than I dare to hope for! You , my Lord, will make a way!!!! Lord let me dive into your presence and focus on you, focus on you and put you and your kingdom first, so worries and fears and doubts will fall off! Kerstin, the warrior princess

AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU TRAVIS, here is the picture on the left side.. Travis helped me!....Oh I should start at the beginning, right? So this morning I get an email from my mom. She was so excited showing me a picture my dad had found. I had painted and created that picture when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. It is a house with a big heart on the side and in that heart I wrote: DADDY. Then when you turn it around I wrote on the house: GOD FINDS ME!!! That is AMAZING but what is even more AMAZING is that my mom is so positively shocked and amzed by this. She even called me on my CELL PHONE a few moments ago to ask me to read my email and then show the picture to people because it is "so incredible"!! God is doing something in my mom! he is working and boy has HE been working on me! What an AMAZING confimation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go GOD!!!!

The butterfly on the hard ground....

This is how I am feeling ...a butterfly ...on the stony and hard ground..the beautiful butterfly that seems to be without orientation...trying to find some green and lively pastures and some colorful flowers..just some LIFE instead of hard ground around...I am describing my feelings which are different from the facts and from my faith. However, they seem to overshadow my world today. I am leading more these days, leading in the area of my anointing and I can feel the resistance. I can feel my vulnerability. I can see : The fact is I am a butterfly, the faith confirms it. But then I feel lost and overwhelmed and just tired or easily irritated. I am taking care of myself now and tomorrow and specially on friday, that is my day :) My Dear Lord, I love you, I so love you and I am so glad that you are excited about me and that you are intersted in how I am doing every second of the day. Please protect my heart soul and mind, my vulnerable state of being today and hem me in dear beloved Jesus! Show me the green pastures around me and the beautiful colorful flowers..I am sick of looking at the hard ground around me!!!

METAMORPHOSIS and triumph

7 months ago, I wrote teh following words: CocoonI feel like in a cocoon; it is not comfortable in here and it is so cold; it is dark inhere and I am put on hold...at least that is how I feel! What I feel is being put in a small space where God is working on me, onmy soul and it makes me uneasy; it makes me impatient; it makes me wanting to RUN and yet...this is where I belong right now: COCOON. Next Station: SUNLIGHT FREEDOM; I cannot wait, cannot wait to fly out as the butterfly you have created me to be , Lord! Ohr Lord, help me to be in the NOW, help me to be patient, help me to stay in this cocoon for as long as YOU esteem it to be necessary. I am I am I am and will be (September 2006) Today, 7 months later, I can see more of a relief and more of a sense of SUNLIGHT FREEDOM and yet in other areas I can so relate to my words back then. Healing is a process and life is a constant change into something more beautiful; a METAMORPHOSIS. The other day I heard a beautiful fact: For the Scientist, the canterpillar is already a butterfly because the DNA is the same- take this in: the canterpillar has already the DNA of a butterfly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I am already the butterfly although I feel half dead in a cocoon losing my head. Yes, the canterpillar litterally loses its head before making the cocoon and getting into it. Weird, don't you think? Their heads fall off. That makes me think of the healing process and the time where I loose my head. Funny comparison and worthy to think about at the same time.SUNLIGHT FREEDOM = METAMORPHOSIS VICTORY

has THAT happened to you yet?

So here I was, thursday night after class, my mind was working overtime while I was driving home....all the insights from the day, all the thoughts and emotions....I revisited them. Then a car flashed his lights at me- I thought, oh he has problems with his lights. Then 4 minutes later another car did the same thing. Alle these cars - I thought- their car battery must be low or something. It did not dawn on me until I was just a around the corner of my home that I did not have my lights on. Oh man, I laughed out loud and now I want to share this with you. I am glad nothing happened to me and I got home safe- and I laughed and laughed and shook my head.

South Africa- different lifestyle...

I am sitting here looking at the chaos go go go go go society of the Western World and I am thinking about how different it will be in South Africa. I am looking at the fast pace or our society and how much I am a product and a part of it. Then I look at the people I know from Cape Town and people here who have been there so very much. Do you know what I see? Such a different lifestyle!!! The different lifestyle almost bugs me when I want to get something done and it is more about relationship than finishing my task...it takes a real choice to go with the realtionships instead of the task. It is interesting how much task-oriented I am BUT then I see that my heart is totally FOR relationship and fellowshipping. Have you ever had a person drive you crazy with his or her talking and being and not getting to the point? That is exactly what I mean. My dad used to do that with me. Yet I have admired him for always being able to sit down and talka nd have reationship while fellowshipping. I guess I will talk about that one more after going to Cape Town in 17 days!!! so long!