My plane to embark with: missionary!!!

Today as I went to be in a sunday service again, I was so encouraged and there is one aspect I want to tell you of. We were talking about how the two disciples walking to Emmaus were surprised and filled with joy when they finally reallized that the person who had interpreted the Scriptures to them was their and our Lord Jesus. Jesus appreared to them being intersted in their concerned faces while they were discussing the past events that had so shocked them. Furthermore, he stayed with them and taught them out of the Scripture without revealing himself yet. Our pastor talked about a very good metaphor this morning. He said:

"Someone once told me to compare out lives as a Christian with a journey on the plane. The plane is the metaphor fo the word, the Sciptures, the truth. We need to be in the word, in us to the plane, although it we need to trust and believe that this plane will get us to where we want to go. Armed with courage and all, we go and sit down in the plan, we go and sit in the word, we are int he word and let the Holy Spirit serve us as we are flying, as we are reading. The Holy Spirit shows us the truth and comforts us. He makes it comfortable in the word, in the plane. We cannot or should not get out of the plane before our destination- that will be painful!!!! We need to hang in there until we arrive at our destination."

We talked about our personal plane right now, where do we need to seek God's revelation through HIS word like the revelation the two disciples from Emmaus got through the word by Jesus. My plane is called : Being a Missionary. It took me a lot of courage and more than half a year for God to free me a bit more of my anxieties, but now I am on the plane, I am ina the word and reading about Paul and how things hapenened, how he had to work and what needed to be done. I am learning but by flight is in turbulences right now and I feel a little sick. I need new joy and hope in areas of this calling and I am thankful that the Holy Spirit is flying with me and He will help me understand He will help me change and look forward.

Dear Lord, let me be a missionary worthy of the calling you gave me, knowing that I cannot do it on my own but through you and in fellowship with teh ones you gave me as brothers and sisters. Help me to understand, help me to learn, help me to grow and help me to keep on walking!

Moldable clay, that is what I want to be

Moldable like clay in the POTTER's hands......... I am being molded and changed into something new....a few moments ago the Potter was doing something with his right finger on me, making a line, a curve, then He took the whole of me and started something new. The clay , which is me, is being bent, being shaped into something new. It hurts, the pain goes deep, it is hard to let go and hard to see now what the POTTER already knows and sees for HE knows His plan and the big picture. Tje only thing that remains for the clay is to trust in HIS/Her creator, to trust that this creator knows HIS job and sees already the finished product: a beautiful vase with a butterfly on it.

Thank you dear God, in your arms I commit my soul and my "clay", mold me, shape me as you like it for YOUR will be done! YOur bride Kerstin, the moldable clay

Missions work and the role of the church

I am learning more and more how big missions work. It is the will of God to go and share the good news and make disciples. The latter is a big part of the mission God has given me. My heart is to disciple in the area of healing, to share resources and to pour out myself to point to God. May His any person's identity in Christ be revealed and the truth will set this person free. The Lord is the healer and perfecter, the healer and restorer of our souls. As a missionary I can give the church a part in this, so that the church can own what God is calling me to as well. This seems then to be for the greater glory because the church opens herself up for more in His kingdom. This can bring new life to the church and can give broader vision and new vision to her members. It is like catching a bug, it is contagious and sooner or later it is not about the missionfield that God has given me, but about the Lord doing HIS work in the missionfield as well as in the church supporting and walking with me. This is an exciting symbiose, an exciting teamwork. I will write a more detailed entry about what God has put on my heart as a missionary for HIM.

It is about HIM , only about HIM.

Communication- what is that?

Communication is such an awesome word. We can fight misunderstanding with this word and this word enables us to have a good relationship. Communication is not one-sided. However, I seem to understand it that way ...unconciously.... I talk with myself and don't ask the person that is affected. Then I assume, I make an ASS out of U and ME and then no communication is needed. I have to learn so much in communication. Every time I fail, I think how hard it is to unwinde all those unconcious actions...so that I can finally ask the day the questions pop up in my head and not days later. Right now I am frustrated but hopeful because I can do all things throuh HIm who gives me strength : JESUS. With HIm I will be able to communicate better, only expect the right things. How interseting it is that we act and react, that we are triggered and wounded and how much do we act out of our woundedness. How much do I put people in a box out of my woundedness and how much do I miscommunicate out of my woundedness.

Lord, forgive me and teach me your way, the way of good communication, the way of good questions, the way of good understanding. I need you Lord and knowing that you exist gives me hope in this frustration. JESUS, REIGN IN ME!

this is one of my fav. songs

I was made to love you my dear God!

Online 24-7???

This pic is from my walk, isn't it beautiful? God is good!! and Muehlheim is really beautiful! No not really but it must seem like it. I am online a lot these days. I check my facebook and my mails regularly. This is good for some things, but bad for others. I was just talking to myself: Man, you seem to be online all the time, huh? Now that I can go online with my laptop and now that I work a lot at ohome, it is quite convenient to check my mail, to chat with friends or to update my blog. Last night I organized all the pictures I already have on my laptop which took me around 2 hours. It was fun to bring order into chaos. I guess that seems to be a theme for me these days: bring order into chaos. I sort out my boxes here and see what I can sell and whatI can throw away or give away. It is a work that is important but not really recocnized. It is hard right now- I am feeling totally in culture shock these days. And it does not help that it is raining cats and dogs here...welll, you could say: just like in Oregon! yup a bit like that. I am a sunhine and I love sun, I lvoe the sunlight and how the sun/SON shines light into darkness. Oh well, just wanted to let you know that I am online A LOT! (not 24-7!!!!) Soon, I will post another video..so be looking for something... drop me a comment or a mail see you soon,Kerstin

This is where my parents live

This is where my parents live and where I am to find these days. It is the second next to the top..... ...on that balcony I sit a lot to eat or to read.

My first walk in Muehlheim @ home

hey come and join me to this walk in my home town!!! I enjoyed myself on last sudnay!!

Read about my healing ministry and go to my ministry blog

Jesus showed me a vision = the foundation of my healing ministry!!! A few months ago, in the middle of a worship service as I am singing and praising God, I had a vision..clear before me....I would say I lived the vision:

I saw me standing in a dark corridor. In front of me was Jesus. He looked at me very calmly. As I looked over his right shoulder, I saw a door standing open. Out of that room came a hideous smell. It smelled like death , pain, fear and the most horrible thing you could imagine. I panicked and wanted to run. "Fear not, my Kerstin, "said Jesus," would you go with me?" He pointed to that door and I screamed: "NOOOOOO, Jesus are you nuts?????? I won't go near that door, near that room!" In my mind, thousands of thoughts ran back and forth: Well has Jesus ever let you down? No. Has he been mean to you in any way? No. Well, then go with him and trust. So I did and I thought I should do it quickly so I would not change my mind out of this immense fear that I sensed. We came to that room and the smell was nearly unbearable, I felt my gag reflex and my whole body revolted. I wanted to run away, run as fast as I could to a place as furthest away possible. Jesus took my hand and we entered the room. To my right I saw a carcass- that is where the hidous smell was coming from. We walked past that and Jesus sat me on a white hospital bed right across from that carcass. We both sat there and I struggled with the smell, with the strong urge to run and the panic that had taken hold of me. As I looked at that carcass, I realized that the carcass was ME. I was in a deep shock and did not know what to do. Jesus sat down right beside me, on the left side of me; he took my left hand into his and put my head on his shoulder. Then he said the following: "Kerstin, do not be afraid, what you see in front of you is only an echo of the pain, the fear and the death that has happened to you. It is not real. I am real, squeeze my hand! I need you to stay in the pain of your wounds a little bit longer, so I can fully take this pain away from you. It is part of my healing that you need to feel it and not run away or fight it away. Stay with me and trust me, I AM HERE WITH YOU!"

Wow, I suddenly found myself back i the worship service, totally amazed for Jesus had just shown me how HIS healing ministry works and how much I just want to run away as soon as I encounter pain. This I take as the foundation of the healing ministry that God has put on my heart. It is about HIm and how He can help us to deal with our wounds, the wounds from our past and all the hard stuff, the death inside of us. May Life come forth and may Healing begin in Jesus' matchless name!!!!!

Life journal

At East Hill we all got a life journal. That is a journal with bible verses throughout the whole year. It has three different sections for different reader: the snack (that is just a few verses), the meal (mostly two passages) and the feast (that is more ). Today I started with the snack of the 2nd of August, which is John 4: 1-43- Jesus and that woman at the well. One verse struck me in particular: verse 34 (NLT) writes: S My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing His work. O

Jesus must be hungry, he sat down at the well, feeling weak after a long walk through Samaria when he met the woman. His disciples ask him again and again if he needed something. Yet Jesus replies with this sentence. Through doing what God has put on his heart, he regains strength and is nourished in a deeper way.

A

WOW, again Jesus talks about the spiritual nourishment. It makes me think of him being in the desert when the devil tempts him to make bread out of stones. We do not live just by bread, but by the living bread which is the word and through the union with Jesus who is the living bread. Every day my mission is and hsould be to do the will of God who sent me and to finsih HIS work. What does this mean for this very day?

P

Dear Jesus, I thank you that you are the living bread and that I can commmunicate with you! I love you so much, I can hardly expalin in words. Please help me to see what you have called me to this very day. Help me to lvoe my mom and dad and to be a light in this atmosphere. Help me to be responable for allt aht I think and do! My life is in you , Lord let me do your will! Amen

Adventure? Desert? What?

I am back in Germany now for the 4rth day. I fight the flu and am in bed a lot, am tired and absolutely weak. I am so glad that my Shepherd Jesus is with me. He comforts me and holds me and sings over me by night (just as the propeht Zephania writes). The feeling of being overwhelmed seems a normal one these days and I try to be ok with it. Old thought patterns come like waves and I need the shield of faith and the belt of truth from my Father to choose against all that. I try to figure out what kind of visa I need for South Africa, am feeling lonely and alone in all this, knowing that that is such a stinking lie. I feel like in a desert spiritually speaking, yet I know I am right where I need to be these days. I read in Isaiah and John and take walks with my Jesus.....one of these days I will post a video of my first walk here. I just need my laptop to be online with me LOL. I go through grief at the same time and jetlag and culture shock. Still I would call it an adventure. God made me for such a time as this. I need encouragement deep in my soul, I need Jesus.................. Isn't it awesome that we need Jesus the most when we are in a desert? So there....

My dear best friend Jesus, please have mercy on me and help me to be responsable of what thougths I let in and where i need to renounce bad stuff. Help me dear God and give me a humble and contrite heart, so I can hear you and follow your ways. point my feet in the way they should go...today and tomorrow...and help me with all the calls to the consulat. Lead me, guid me, it is you I desperately need LORD! Ur sunshine Kerstin