It is well with my soul

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Refrain It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. Refrain My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! Refrain For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul. Refrain But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord! Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul! Refrain And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

the big T -no way!

Temptation you shall not take my future!!!!!!

Temptation you shall not take my family!!!!!!

Temptation you shall not take my faith!!!!!!

Healing

Healing time , this is my time, healing time, this is a process, healing time, this is what I need, healing time, my heart and soul cry out for that YET it is a hard time, it is a frustrating time, it is a difficult time and it is a hurting time.

God am I glad you are WITH me on this. I SO could not do it on my own. I see how I am driven by fears, one being fear of making a mistake, fear of messing up. It finds its big knot in my fear of feeling the phases of depression again that I used to feel so intensly a few years back. Depression should not own me or should not overpower me, but it does right now. Do you know what drives my train? The fear of hopefully never going back to those dark places. I survived every 3-month period somehow and boy have I thought of ending it there and then.so many times . I do not want to exist anymore, I want to LIVE! I WANT TO STRIVE and soar like a FREE eagle!!!!!! I do not want to go back to that depression and anxiety and hurt, Lord. YOu are showing me how much of my life is still run by this fear and I know I deserve more! Heal me Lord, sho me what to do, show me who I am and help me to put all this under my feet! So here i go, I put DEPRESSION under my feet, I am writing it on my left foot. I am more than a conqueror in my Christ and I put my hope in you God, I put my hope in you that you will take care of all that junk in me, all that that frustrates me...YOU ARE MY HOPE JESUS! Teach me, all you have, I am sold out for you God, sold out for what you have for me. I need you like the air that I breathe, I need you! Come Jesus ........

My 2 sense on the OSCARRS

The Oscars- yes I have something to say, as well :)

You need to know this about me: I am a freakin' Oscar-watching maniac. When I was still back in Germany I would stay up all night...fall asleep after the Best Animated Short movie and then wake up just in time for the big Oscars in the end: Best actress in a leading role, best actor in a leading role, best director, best movie etc. I watched them by myself last night, which was ok, but it is always so much more fun to watch it with friends. Anyway, Germany won an OSCAR, yeay!!!!! for best movie in a foreign language! Awesome!!! I have some objections though: The older guy from THE LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE who won best supporting actor...I am sorry but there were other contestants who really did more for the role of receiving an OSCAR. I do not agree with that decision. I guess it shocked a few more people, too. Jennifer Hudson is my hero and the star of the night! She deserves the OSCAR!!!!! For the best song I had either her or Beyoncee in mind.....then Melissa E. won. Oh well, it just felt like a different class and level in the songs... Ellen D. was a great host, not better than my favourite Whoopi G., bust still hilerious! Did you watch the OSCARS? WHAT ARE YOUR 2 SENSE TO IT??

Blessings OVERFLOWING!!!

this is blessing pouring down on my life. Blessings like love and grace but also money that comes in and blesses little Kerstin inside of me. I am dancing the David dance....dooobeeedoobeedoooo!

Blessings over blessigs and I say YES, I RECEIVE the full amount of it all!!!!

Thank You God!

I am going I am going...in this spring. I have all the money I actually needed by tomorrow! God is soo good. There are no words, thus I end here giving praise to out God!

TrueFaced

We can never resolve our sin by working on it (David Lynch- TrueFaced) Living out off who God says I am (David Lynch) Standing with God looking at my sin together and working on it whenever I am ready (David Lynch)

So I am watching the dvds to the book TRUEFACED. Really really good and challenging. In there David Lynch and his co-authors introduce the idea of the two rooms, one is called ROOM OF GOOD INTENTIONS (pleasing God) and one is called GRACE (trusting God). As they paint the picture in front of the reader's eyes, it gets very clear how the first room is the room we go in frequently, but the second room is the one where we can be ourselves, where we can let go, where we feel peace and acceptance and love. The more I am thinking about these two rooms, the sadder I become in a way. Why? I see myself in that room of good intentions. I want to please God and make things better, I have the best intentions and when I mess up, I get angry with myelf. Bammm, I am back in the cycle again. I just want to be in the ROOM OF GRACE, I do not know how it works yet really. However, I want to be there with all my heart, with all that is left within me. Trusting... that is a challenge in itself, whenever I worry or control, I practically tell God that I do not trust His sovereign leadership. crap!!

So here Iam, loosing the battle again and again, Lord, show me the room of grace, so I do not land in the one with just good intentions and masks, ok? Help me out of that perfomance and in to grace and receiving love-piece! I need you Lord, I do not want to live off of self-effort and shallow small talk. I want to dive in deep into your heart to learn how to be gracious to myself and how to let you be perfectly powerful in my weakness!

READ THIS read it, just read it :)

I found this one on of my fav. blogs (MargaretFeinberg.blogspot.com/) and I wanted you all to read this. It is soo challenging and good. Take a cup of tea or coffee, sit down and read:

Butt Prints in the Sand (writer unknown) One night, I had a wondrous dream; One set of footprints there was seen. The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?" "Those prints are large and round and neat, But, Lord, they are too big for feet." "My child," He said in somber tones. "For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait. You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith you would not know. So I got tired and fed up, And there I dropped you on your butt, Because in life, there comes a time, When one must fight and one must climb, When one must rise and take a stand, Or leave some butt prints in the sand."

go on a website about theology and fun....go here

here is my own 2-sense about this one - yes it is intersting to think about this, but is this really our God? He is full of grace, yet He lets us live through consequesces of our actions, right? This little "poem" just makes me think....

what do you think? let me hear it, come on!

SURRENDER

The picture you see on the left side is one I painted 3 years ago in a prayer room. I was inspired by the strong feeling in my heart that told me : Kerstin surrender all, surrender all to HIM, to Jesus. Surrender is scary and can even give us panic attacks if we do not know our God or even trust in HIM.

I bow down and am happy that God gave me the talent to put my feelings on paper in color or in black or white.

Kerstin at a CARR-dealer

That was an experience. Saturday morning, the morning I could sleep in, I went ahead with my hostmom to Beaverton's Chevvie palce. It was an experience! The she got in the end was a Trailblazer, blackk cherry-burgunde , 2006 - pretty neat car, I mean SUV. A car is not that hight. An SUV is awesome to be in or to drive: you have the best view over the street.

As we arrived at the place, the men there, the salesmen were totally "nice"..it was more this nice that says: oh we have a buyer here oh yes! slimy....

So after some necessary "smalltalk" we went out to see the car. All nice. Then, my hostmom made some phonecalls while I was enjoying some cheap coffee. Signing millions and gazillions of papers, ckecking out the extras and off we went in the new car.

One thing I learned was, be suspiceous until the end - check the car if everything is right where it needs to be!

Lessons of life :) lessons of life in America :)

Kerstin Sunshine

DORIS and STEVE are here!!!!!

YEAHHHHH!!!

My friends Doris and Steve are here...my friends from Germany...I am so happy, see when you rejoin with people from the other side of the world that are so close to your heart and so dear to you...you understand!

my gang, I miss them

Ok, these are dear friends, all in Frankfurt, Germany right now and let me tell you something.... I miss them sooooo much! Just looking through some pictures on our website made my heart long for some coffee timw with them..... check out the website!

Thanks God for my friends

Friends are a gift grom God. Would you agree? I am so glad for the friends God put in my life. I love spending quality time with them...over some tea (grin) or coffee or bubble tea or orange juice...even a decent meal would do. All that actually matters is the fellowship, the laughter, the serious questions.... We are all so different and it is a joyride of experiences to get to know your friend. We will never be done in getting to know our friends. How could I even say I know her or him or her or even her?

In a friendship you grow, you see sides of yourself you never wanted to see, yet you van conquer them. In a friendship you are challenged and equally blessed if you take that challenge. It is important though not to feel threatened by your friend, not to compare yourself to you friend and not to try to be your friend BUT instead be yourself.

I am speaking of experiences in my life and yes, relationships have often been a challenge for me. Yet, they have been the biggest parts in which I grew as a person.

Friends are each different facettes of God's character displayed for me to experience...they are all so different IMCOMPARABLE that is for sure, each so valuable, each with so much to give and each like a beautiful pearl and all together they make this necklace that God has given me on this earth!

So Thank you God for friendships - thank you for Sarah, Uta, Doris, Steve, Alexis, Travis, Stephi, Carina, Michelle, Aris, Caroleana, katie, Annie, Robyn, Ferry, Elke, Cassiday, Jason, Miri, Veronika, Ines, Jenni, Marcus, Sherry, Carol, Magdoleen, Brian, Collin, Maria, Brittany, Brandon, Spencer, Emily, Melissa, Carsten, Andrea, Suzie, Erin, Christine, Erika, Linda, Valentin, Boris, Stephie, Jin-Ju, Sandra, Sandra, oh there are more..I will update this one soon :)

battling.....kicking butt for Jesus

Tonight I fought a battle, needless to say that I am tired right now, exhausted. Needless to say that I had such a weird migrane on the right side of my head tonight? Yeah right. I do not make it bigger than it was. Likewise,I am glad I realized that it was an attack. See, after that battle, all hell seemed to break loose and all kinds of lies entered my head. My head hurt and it was hard for me to open my eyes. (thanks for that prayer Alexis, it made me realize I was still in a battle and sincerely attacked).

I was fired up tonight, a warrior bride, I was ready with my sharp sword in my hands and ready to yell the breakthru yell. My eyes were pretty scary and I kicked butt tonight.

My Jesus was with me and we made some waves...some tsunami title waves!

Rejection

I decided to write about this one, blog a little bit. Rejection is so common and the fear of it is a big one as well. I can testify because I know this fear very well. It seems to be a familiar spirit...not one of the good ones if you know what I mean. Rejection seems to already start with the other person not sharing the same opinion. Rejection might start with a look, a face . Rejection seems more a ghost that haunts than it is real. It robbs me personally from joy and from receiving. It robbs me personally from being who I am called to be. What does wikipedia has to say about rejection: Social rejection exists in a variety of different forms and includes both interpersonal rejection or peer rejection, and romantic rejection. It occurs when an individual is deliberately excluded from a social relationship or social interaction. A person can be rejected on an individual basis or by an entire group of people. Furthermore, rejection can occur either actively by bullying, teasing, or ridiculing, or passively by ignoring the rejected person. Rejection can be perceived when it is not actually present. Because humans are social creatures, and because it is impossible to interact with everyone all the time, some level of rejection is an inevitable part of life. However, rejection can become a problem when it is excessive, when the relationship is important, when the rejection is by an entire group, or when the individual is particularly sensitive to rejection. The experience of rejection can potentially lead to a number of adverse psychological consequences such as loneliness, reduced self-esteem, aggression, and depression.[1] It can also lead to feelings of insecurity and a heightened sensitivity to future rejection. Interesting inforamtion. What kind of rejection have you encountered recently? Where has the haunting ghost R. totally played with YOUR mind? On very sensitive days, it is hard to see that a person has a different opinion than I have. I fear rejection but let me tell you something much more important: I also fear my God and HE makes it all right step by step! GO GOD of Jacob, God of Abraham and God of Isaac!

Happy Valentines's Day

I got this Valentine's card today and I want to share these words with you who read my blog. Consider these words coming from me to YOU

You have a way about you that definitely is your own - It's there in all the thoughtfullness that you have so often shown, it makes you really special, really wonderful to know- and since you are all those things and more, just had to tell you so!

a heart-shaped cloud JUST FOR ME!!

I could not let the day go by and let that last post of fear stay. God has spoken into my heart since that post and I feel much better. Yes the struggle is there but I chose to speak into that and I say I am free and happy to be where I am in life these days!

As I was lamenting and venting being really kind of sad, I looked up in the sky and what did my eyes see????? A cloud in a PERFECT shape of a HEART, you guys (you guys@!!)

It was Jesus saying to me:

Kerstin YOU are my Valentine, I am yours, we rock,we are a good team!

Yes Jesus, we are a good team and my heart is yours, sold out and proud to be a child of GOD!You hold me close to your heart these days, you understand my anguish yet you lift me up! Thank you my Valentine, my Jesus! Help me to live what I just wrote, help me to live that every day!!!

your Valentine Kerstin

F.E.A.R. -dealing with it is good but hard,too

So here we go. I am so glad that my faith-life is alive. God is moving around and around ploughing the ground of my heart. Fear in 3 different areas and that is actually where God is moving: One of these is South Africa and several facts that have been revealed to me last week. I know that my God is bigger. Then Valentine's day is coming up. Boy, it is frustrating this year and yet I choose not to be discouraged. A lot going on in my head, a lot of pain, dissappointement, chaos and fear. Let me spell out my fear for u: F for frustrations and fundamental wounds E for exposure and being emotional A for anxiety and ALL that jazz R for restlessness HOWEVER, here are the counterparts for those.... like F for faith in God E for eternal grace in HIM A for Amazing Love R for rendering my all to HIM I feel like the cat in that picture...holding on to the rope (holding on to Jesus), but with a frightened look on its face and feeling alone. this is it for today.

My Jesus is my strong Tower! Kerstin Sunshine

the week of blessings

A week o blessing..this is how I want to name this week for me. I am in a crash course of how to receive in life. I experience and so I learn. Wahnsinn!! (that is German word for mmmh do I still know? ok wait...actually I need to look it up can you believe it?...it's sheer lunacy...I don't know if that is the right translation..anyway).

This week started out with two friends treating me for lunch, then today I got treated again and boy was that an answer to prayer. See, I save all my money for the missions trip to South Africa in april and then I give God my tithe and there is nothing left. oh Kerstin, this week you experienced HOW much is left and HOW God provides. He would send me people who give me rides at pevital moments. Sheer blessings. I had wonderful converstations, an awesome small group that I am leading and where I could watch God show up. It is all so bigger than me- that is how I know it is GOD.

The power of RECEIVING and WHY is it so hard to receive????

So receiving is a big thing. I have learned so much in the past 7 years of being a Christian, a Jesus follower, someone who makes Jesus part of her daily life. However, I find myself in that a place again where so much blessing comes my way and I am having a hard time to receive. That is a paradox in itself cuz all I want is to be able to receive the good that God has for me and then I struggle. This week I was treated twice to lunch and so many other little but big things have happened and I am humbled. I am humbled for where I am financially and humbled by the love of people. Why can't I receive it? Well let me tell you, it all has to do with wounds, with pain and fears. A lot of times in my life when I actually received something well, the person actually gave me too much and stepped back from it asking me for forgiveness. Ok, I say but then I am so afraid. I am feeling the rejection, I am afraid to be hurt, so I do the total other extreme of not trusting and really doubting which makes it hard to receive.

I am sabotaging myself and that is frustrating.

wait!

Wait ...wait upon the Lord, don't rush into things, wait be patient!

I so know these words and yet I seem to experience a whole new level of the waiting.

I am impulsive and there is such a potential of this whole beahvior to take control of something God wants to orchestrate.

Dear Jesus,

here you go, take over! please forgive me my rushing into things and not letting you work. It is new territory for me and I need your voice, your protection, your guidance!

I am LOST without you Jesus- hold me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this red beanie

this is about one of my divine appointments and I want to tell you about it, I am still trembling...

45 minutes ago, a man named Ron comes into the church office. I am sitting at the front desk. He starts talking to me and my spirit wakes up. I start trembling. He tells me that he is diagnosed with a heart failure, he is a nurse , he has a 30 year younger bride......

He is sold out for God, he is determined to know the next step on his journey. This is inspiring. We talked about being a warrior, about being sold out for God and about not having anything to lose. I could pray for him for healing and trust and hope and then he left. 2 minutes later he comes back and gives me a gift: This is your gift today!

It is a red beanie to warm my ears! wow!

God used me today and I am so thankful for it- glory be to God and to HIS Spirit who searches all things, even the deep things of GOD!

I stand in awe- wanna join me?

my American Idles :)

My American Idols : OK, after all this American idle whirlwind I decided to tell you WHO my American Idles are: Friends of mine...people that I have been around for the past 3 years or longer either in Germany or here in Oregon are my American or German "idles": let's start with Arne Kopfermann, a well known worship leader and worshipper of heart who calls The Ichthys Gemeinde in Frankfurt Germany his home. Then we have Steve Kunselmann, my best friend's husband, coming from Portland Oregon now living in Frankfurt .. then I will turn to my schwester Stephanie Williams, she is an awesome songwriter and a true worshipper as well, good songs come out of a heart that is sold out for GOD..Stephi is the furthest right lady on the following pic .. then there is the GREEK, Aris, whose worhipper heart is growing and growing and his first song is amazing- show them Ari!!! now I am moving over to my American idles and friends, there are many many talented creative worshippers at heart, people who inspire with their songs and their hearts that truely worship. Carina Austin, an artist, a songwriter and a singer before the Lord, check out her stuff on myspace (carina austin) then there is Andrea McCaffrey, woman of God, whorshipper and leader Joy Russel who leads and lets the Spirit move big time....do I have a picture of Joy..... then there is Marcus Hatchcock, a man after God's heart, true worshipper and songwriter, check him out on myspace: marcusstar Then we have Anthony Foster, a whorship leader with such a big heart for GOD, a humble man of God, a songwriter : then there is Sherry and her husband Tim Machura Lystra's Silence, man they are whorshippers and such creative and humble people, they are true American idles check them out on myspace!! My Michelle, she has a voice and she has a testimony, she is an Maerican Idle and my hero! then there is Brian Austin who has so much to give, so much inside of him that deserves to be put into a song, he is a worshipper and singer.... then there is Mychal Hales, a worshipper and radical man of God, someone who learnt to wait for God to do what needed to be done: it is the guy on the left with the guitar :) then there is Alyssa whose beauty in creative music and song is being displayed more and more, she has a story and out of that story come the words insoired by God! there is Martina and her husband Troy and Jason Burns and Ray from Tray michaels, there is Josh Daily and Lee so many more these are my American Idles!!! These are true idols, not that crap that we see on TV!! May God bless them all, may HE show them the way every day!! Kerstin

the one who reveals.....

The one who reveals:

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"- but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit.

The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have NOT received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.

1 Corinthians 2: 9-12 (NIV)

D.O.W.N.

Down, I am feeling down this morning, sadness and pain in me, frustration and less hope. I am so glad that my Lord is with me. Feelings of rejection that are not real but real to my feelings...does that make sense? It does to me! Frustrations about how I am behaving, how my heart is turning things into something bigger than it is. I am very emotional today, vulnerable, too and I can hardly stand myself being that weak and unexplainable. Yet, I know that God wants me to hang in there and stay with HIm iin this crap so HE can heal and move.

God gave me nice little breathing times today and I give God all the glory for it. Times, when all did not seem that sad or hard or heavy anymore and hope peeked around the corner. I know I can exaggerate especially when I am so sensitive. Good that my God knows and my God cares. Down: D like detached from deep pain and fear , o like oppressed, w like weak in my soul and n like not a lot of hope left. The one who lifts me up is my friend the Holy Spirit and He has used friends and extended family to do so today already !

Kerstin's adventurous SUPERBOWL sunday

So here I am, back from a very fun sunday adventure at my friends' house (Travis and Alexis - you rock!!). Superbowl, I just need to write a blog entry on that one. First of all, let me remind you guys, I am German, so Football is really SOCCER and the ball is round not like an egg. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. IntersePtions, red flags and yellow flags....of course touchdowns and kickoffs. Man, I learned some new stuff today. Still I was amazed that I managed to miss when the score changed. I mean, really, the score would be the same for sooo long that I get bored and right then something happened and I missed it. BUMMER! The one thing I had a hard time understanding was the :fieldgoal-thing (3 points coming out of nowhere, it just was 16:14, now it's 19 to 14) oh well. Good food and awesome fellowship though and a lot of nice people who would explain to a German greenhorn what this or that rule REALLY means! thanks guys!

I was sad for the Bears because they really started off so well with that Touchdown in the FIRST minute. oh well, congratulations to the COLTS! What did you do on SUPERBOWL sunday? Did you meet new people?

I met new people, held a bunch of cute little babies and had a divine appointment concerning my art!'

love to hear from you-

go and comment- tell me what you did.....